tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post7813312396909065878..comments2023-09-11T11:11:07.161-05:00Comments on STILL HOPEFUL: M.I.A.Monica Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14767867041043811045noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-8831446406722406212008-06-05T10:58:00.000-05:002008-06-05T10:58:00.000-05:00When we lost Emi, my husband went to our local sup...When we lost Emi, my husband went to our local support group to support me. He did admit that it helped him though...mostly in understanding that women tend to go off the wall emotionally more than men. He would get everything wrong...wrong conception month...exagerate details...omit others. etc. They really do try!<BR/>This time around I do want to go back and i told him i respect him if he does not need to. and he doesn't,but he did say if i needed him he would go. <BR/>the social worker that runs the group talks a lot about letting people grieve the way they need to, so this time i won't stress him.<BR/>I know it will feel difficult b/c a lot of the members have moved on/gotten pregnant/given birth.<BR/>i was soooo excited thinking that i would be one of them. oh well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-12178672916414059622008-02-26T09:11:00.000-06:002008-02-26T09:11:00.000-06:00oh Mon, I'm so sorry I haven't been around. Walker...oh Mon, I'm so sorry I haven't been around. Walker mentioned being ok if we didn't try again and at first i was mad and upset. All he wanted to talk about when we first started "dating" (which was only a year after I left my husband) was that i said I'd never marry or have another child. He was opposed to this and said if it wasn't going anywhere he didn't want to get invested. well here we were wanting to be pregnant and we lost it. I tried to "translate" what he meant by he'd be ok if we didn't have a baby. He meant that I was enough and Anders was enough for him to be happy, he would want a child of his own but not if it meant pain and loss to us again, if it hurt us, made us miserable. He loves me and Anders so much he'd be willing to sacrifice his own wants for my happiness. Not completely ideal but how I love that man so completely like I never believed I could. <BR/><BR/>I think your husband is scred to see you hurt again, scared to hurt and scared to love something so much and lose it. You are too but you want this. I hope you can come to an agreement or compromise at some point because you deserve a family and a child. you both do. and I seriously hope that you get what you want and deserve. I do think he wants it, he's just afraid and hurting. Men don't communicate well at all in this departmnet, which in turn pisses us off. I'm here. If you need anything, you know my email. Thank you for your support and care it means SO much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-7011678383602922982008-02-21T15:16:00.000-06:002008-02-21T15:16:00.000-06:00I'm not into the group thing at all. And I guess ...I'm not into the group thing at all. And I guess also, things change over time, like if it was good for you at some point, doesn't mean it will be now.<BR/><BR/>I hope that you can start trying again soon. The limbo is the worst time of all, I think. A plan makes it so much better.meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00113578396438869433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-70203581002770283802008-02-21T01:30:00.000-06:002008-02-21T01:30:00.000-06:00I understand the group thing too. We go and list...I understand the group thing too. We go and listen to the new people and try to help them, and then they never come back. I sort of feel like it was wasted time because it was time WE did not get to talk about OUR grief. I think people should be free to come and go, but it does make it difficult on the regulars.<BR/><BR/>Sam... about that I don't know what to say. I hope that he decides to try again. I hope that he can find some hope in the future. I think he is feeling in control by being the one to decide if and when you both will try again. I don't mean that he's on a power trip but that he knows once you try again, he really will have no control over whether you bring home a live baby and not having control is a scary feeling. He's a good guy though and I think he'll soon be ready to try again. <BR/><BR/>I sometimes don't know how you can go on without the knowledge of when you will be able to try or when you will hold a baby. When I was in that situation all I could think about was the fact that I had no idea when I'd have a baby and it hurt. That you have been in that limbo hell for a year is too much to bear.<BR/><BR/>I'll be there for you today.<BR/><BR/>Jack, I miss you. You've got such great parents who love you very much. They think about you every minute of every day. I hope you enjoyed the lunar eclipse. And Sam too.Mrs. Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13572508460850412007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-86047522410699292592008-02-20T17:23:00.000-06:002008-02-20T17:23:00.000-06:00Monica,I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.I know ...Monica,<BR/>I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.<BR/>I know it must be a hard day.<BR/>I'd like to go to a support group as I think I need it, but I don't think my DH would want to go. Men do deal differently. <BR/>I was mad at my DH last night as I feel the same way as you. I feel he doesn't think about our son as much as I do. He told me he is sad and it was the worst thing that he went through in his life, but he wants to be happy right now. It is so hard. I understand what he means that we should be happy we have a great life and we have each other, but like you I want *more*. <BR/>**hugs**<BR/>Happy Birthday Jack!!!Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06037934293607802134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-55210887173308780192008-02-20T11:27:00.000-06:002008-02-20T11:27:00.000-06:00I think everything you are feeling is normal.I am ...I think everything you are feeling is normal.I am so sorry this week is a really bad one for you.I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.Try to take care of yourself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-74347686950902543242008-02-20T09:55:00.000-06:002008-02-20T09:55:00.000-06:00You are not alone. I feel the same way sometimes, ...You are not alone. I feel the same way sometimes, like I just don't have the energy to hear another story but then I realize that someone has to listen. What would I have done of yall would have not been there for me when I lost Evan. I don't know...it has been longer for you so maybe it is different. I am sorry that and your hubby are still up in the air on the TTC situation. I am here for you if you need me...and I hope that you get through tomorrow peacefully as you remember Jack.dealingwithlifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06289945927701038853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-10677627691910625422008-02-20T08:49:00.000-06:002008-02-20T08:49:00.000-06:00I feel your pain on this one. I am so sorry that ...I feel your pain on this one. I am so sorry that Sam is being so non-committal. I wish he could understand your desires to have and hold a live, breathing baby. I understand (which I know doesn't help you in getting pregnant, but I do!).<BR/><BR/>I figured that tomorrow would be my last night at group. But if no one else is going, then I will not be going either. Eric stopped going a long time ago because he didn't feel he was getting anything out of it. I was hurt at first, but then I realized that men cope with things much different than we do. They will never understand our pain as much - they will never honestly love/miss our babies as much as we do.<BR/><BR/>I think it is a great idea to celebrate Jack with your immediate family. I think it will be just as sentimental a time as with Sam's birthday. I plan on going by tomorrow to visit him and tell him Happy Birthday.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13859393871693602082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982174673054423605.post-55136298957961865382008-02-20T08:45:00.000-06:002008-02-20T08:45:00.000-06:00First of all, I want you to know I have been think...First of all, I want you to know I have been thinking of you a lot this week. I know that whatever you do for Jack will be special and really neat.<BR/><BR/>Secondly, I think that if the support group helps you in any way at all you should go whether your husband is there or not. Women and men deal with grief differently and you can't fault your husband for that.<BR/><BR/>Lastly, I know how much you want to be a mom to children that you get to hold every day. I know that when the time comes you will be an awesome mother to those future children, you have already demonstrated that with Sam and Jack.<BR/><BR/>I would love to give you advise on how to convince your husband that it is time to start trying, but I am not sure I can come up with the right words. All I can do is pray for you.<BR/><BR/>Rachel<BR/><BR/>PS: Jack, have a very happy birthday!Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09708675281321049193noreply@blogger.com