Dreams and Crying over Crackers

I've had very vivid dreams this week. I had dreams 4 nights in a row where someone was pregnant. Only once was it me. Other times it was a friend of mine or my aunt. I didn't think much of the first one, then it happened again, and again and again. That was earlier in the week and I haven't had any dreams like them since.

The dream where I was pregnant was very weird. I went to deliver the preemie child, not thinking it was going to survive since it was still so young. When the baby came out, it was very dark skinned (I am not) tiny, but fully developed and it had a head full of dark hair. Hair that was chin length and curled out at the ends- oompa loompa style.

But the interesting part of the dream is that the baby came out and took a deep breath. I found this promising. I don't recall much else, but it was remarkable.

Tuesday night, after grocery shopping I started to put the canned and boxed items in the pantry. At the bottom towards the back of the pantry is a giant tub of animal crackers purchased from Costco. I bought these crackers when I was pregnant with Jack. Yes, I still have them though it's been almost 3 years.

I can't bring myself to throw them away. I had the same problem with throwing away cereal that reminded me of Sam. Except with the cereal, I felt better afterwards. Like a sense of accomplishment. As I was clearing out the pantry, I decided they could be disposed of. Surprisingly they're still crunchy, though they don't taste that fresh.

I was okay with them going in the trash. Or so I thought. Mr. H was putting out the trash for collection and I cried over them being thrown away. It's the only thing still in my pantry that I ate that reminded me of him. I would lay in bed and snack on them before I got up so my stomach wasn't queasy. I kept a baggie of them in my night stand.

I said goodbye to the crackers and got teary. The few tears led to full on crying. OVER ANIMAL CRACKERS! I haven't checked yet, but I think Mr. H put them back in the pantry. I love him.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

I feel like uncovering the animal crackers (next to 4 cans of formula) and throwing it away trying to throw it away just pulled the scab off my wounds exposing the raw flesh.