"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My Boys- Sam and Jack

It occurred to me that although I write about missing my boys, you don't know much about them as individuals. Here we go.

SAM

Samuel Andrew who we call Sam was born August 15, 2006. We named him after his father and my grandfather who passed away several years ago. Two very special people. This was not the original name we picked out for him, but after seeing him and holding him, we knew he was a "Sam". Sam was born early at 17w1d. He was born at 8:49 am weighing a mere 5.1 ounces. He was 7 3/4 inches long. He looked exactly like his Dad. He was long and almost muscular in his legs and arms. He had a nose that closely resembled his fathers as well. He looked nothing like me. Although he did have my full lips. I bet he would have given great "drool-y" kisses. He had perfectly beautiful feet and toes. In fact, the first part of him that I felt was his foot falling outside of me. He had long slender hands that no one else in my family has. I wonder if he would have been great at playing the piano? He was fully formed only too small to live on his own. He was my first love. I had a normal pregnancy, it was great in fact. I never had a day of morning/noon/evening sickness. I felt great when he was growing inside me. He craved everything I saw on TV. He also really liked chocolate covered peanuts, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and craved T.aco Bell all the time. He was a real healthy eater :) I did have frequent gas and burped all the time, but that's to be expected when you're eating all that stuff. My.lanta was a huge blessing, my husband was grateful for it. On the day of his funeral, we had heart shaped peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate covered peanuts. I will always be grateful to him for teaching his father and I how to love deeper, for showing us the simplicity and beauty of all things around us, and for giving us the strength to continue living. He is my greatest teacher.

JACK

Jackson Robert is our second son, who we call Jack. He is a special blessing and a wonderful younger brother. We always liked the name Jackson, (named after my husband's grandfather- a special man) and Robert is a family name belonging to my husband and my FIL. They are the strongest men I know and it felt appropriate. He was born early at 16w4d on February 21, 2007 at 3:07am, weighing 5.0 ounces. He was slightly longer than Sam at an even 8 inches long. He, once again, looked like his Daddy and older brother only he had my nose and mouth. Every other feature resembled his Dad. He became very photogenic having to take weekly photos and was sentenced to baby jail in my uterus (cerclage) at 12 weeks. He wanted out and finally broke free after 4 weeks. I think he was listening too closely to the dialogue as I watched P.rison Break. We loved watching that show together. He never gave me problems with morning sickness either. Although he thought it funny to give me gas as well. I think they teamed up on that one. He did not like spaghetti which is funny because Sam didn't like lasagna. Those were the only foods during my pregnancy that made me sick. They are not fans of Italian foods (they get that from their father). Jack loved Mexican food, especially the homemade stuff my Grandma would make (tortillas, enchiladas etc.) when she visited. He, too, was a huge fan of T.aco Bell just like his parents and brother. Jack touched our hearts in so many ways. He is teaching us patience and how to love each other. He has allowed me to open my heart and to never take anything for granted. He gives me hope for the future and brings me peace when I need it most. He is my guide to all things beautiful.

Jack's hand print on Mr. H's surgical mask
___________

My love for them grows each and everyday. They have ways of "appearing" throughout my day. When I am down they send out signs to let me know they are here. Butterflies hovering, dragonflies fluttering, bunnies hopping by, the beautiful sunsets, a twinkling star, the spontaneous falling of snow, a bud of new growth. They are life. They are my life. I am blessed to their mother.

7 comments:

Monica said...

I'm so glad for this post. I feel like I got to know Sam and Jack better. I know this sounds really weird, but in some ways I miss your sons, even though I never got to meet them. Especially Jack since I knew you when you were pregnant with him, but Sam also. It just seems so incomplete... not meeting the offspring of you and Sam. I think I'll go see your boys this weekend. It's been a while since I've been.

Monica H said...

Thank you for going to see them, that means a lot to me. We went the other day, but since then it has rained and their headstones get so dirty. I may go out tomorrow afternoon.

Kristi said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sons!

Becky said...

Monica,

That was absolutely beautiful. I feel like I really know your son's, even though their stories are so much like my Dylan and Riley.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. They are such precious angels.

Rachel said...

Thank you for sharing about your boys, they sound very sweet. I really appreciate you sharing Jack's handprint, what a neat momento.

Jack's birthday was 4 days before I lost my own little one. It is amazing how much it still hurts 7 months later.

Reba said...

Hi, you don't know me, I came here today from Antigone's place. I am so sorry for the loss of Sam and Jack. I lost my twins around the same gestation and I miss them every day too. Thank you for sharing your sons' stories. I know there is no peace, but I wish it for you anyway.

Mrs. Seng said...

Monica,
Thank you for sharing Sam and Jack's stories. I love how you described their cravings and favorite tv shows, how the pregnancies effected you in different ways. Jack's handprint is too adorable! I'm insprired by your strength and your love for your sons.