Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Holiday Recap

I haven't had a lot to say, so I've been quiet lately. Besides that this week has been quite eventful and busy. Family was in town, 30 dozen tamales and pumpkin empanadas were being made, there has been lots of shopping and wrapping and my aunt got engaged on Christmas Eve. Congrats M and J! And I'm exhausted.

Our Christmas was good. It flew by so incredibly quick though. I don't know where the time went? Honestly. We hosted Christmas Eve dinner at our house for 10 including my in-laws. It was nice and simple. Then we spent the day at my mom's house with the entire family. Mr. H and I will ring in the New Year together, quietly at home.

Last year and the year before, we bought sterling silver ornaments for Sam and Jack with their names and birth dates on them. I do have to say that I am grateful that this year we didn't have to buy another remembrance ornament for a baby that died. I can't handle the heart ache.

Speaking of heart ache, I feel like such a bad mother. My friend, Monica, went to visit the boys and brought them ornaments and took battery operated candles out to them Christmas Eve. She even took red and white tulips for them. Someone else scattered Christmas confetti over their headstones. I did nothing. I didn't get them anything. I didn't even make time to go see them on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. What's the matter with me? I'm such a bad mother. There was so much going on, and so much family togetherness and I completely left them out. Sam and Jack, I'm so sorry. I love you so very much. Please forgive me.


Wishing you all a better year- Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Holidays!

...from our family to yours!

Mr. H, Monica, Sam, Jack, Autumn and August

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Baking Has Begun!

Stayed tuned for 7 days of Holiday Cookies on my other blog. First cookie up is Glittery Shortbread Stars.

These are the ornaments and cookies that my friend and I made out of clay a few weeks ago. They're finally done and they turned out so cute.
A plate of "cookies" and a mug of cocoa for Sam and Jack.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mr. H's Favorite Things

Mr. H: Are you going to do a "Mr H's Favorite Things"?

Me: Why? Do you want me to?

Mr. H: YEAH! (comes back with a note pad and starts scribbling away)

So, without further ado, I give you Mr. H's Favorite Things. In other words, gifts for the extravagant men in your life :-)

Creed Cologne- $122

In particular Virgin Island Water because it's a "simple clean smell that reminds him of the beach". Those are his words. In this fragrance are notes of coconut, white rum, ginger and bergamot. It's also a unisex fragrance so women can use it too. It's a little pricey, but a portion of the proceeds go towards "protecting the world's oceans".

Piloti Shoes- $75-$125

Mr. H has 3 different pairs of these shoes. He likes them because they're "unique and the most comfortable shoes" he owns. He has these and these, and another pair they no longer sell anymore. He even got me a pink and black pair- lucky me! You don't have to race cars to own own a pair- they're honestly good comfy shoes.

Carhartt Clothing- $35 and up

He has jackets, jeans, overalls, t-shirts, and over shirts from Carhartt. He loves them and buys something from them every chance he gets (or when I'm not looking). They're warm, durable work clothes that look nice. They hold up wash after wash and come in different colors and sizes from small to 5 X- dang! Click here, for a retailer near you.

Kiehl's Men's Products- $18-$22.50

Mr. H uses "Close Shavers" Shaving Formula, which is a pre-shave oil for your beard. "It creates a barrier between your razor and your skin to allow less razor burn and irritation." He also really likes their Multi Purpose Facial Formula because it moisturizes your skin without being greasy and "it smells pretty". Now there's a reason to buy this for your man! It also has soothing Vitamin E and eucalyptus oil.

Maker's Mark Bourbon- $25-$50

For the bourbon lover in your life. Hands down this is the smoothest and best bourbon out there compared to other whiskeys and bourbons. What you get for the price is a high quality product. Buy a small bottle and stick it in their stocking or buy a larger one for all your holiday drinkin'. Makes a great Bourbon and Coke. Drink up!

Griot's Garage Digital Tire Inflating Gun- $49.99

Every garage should be equipped with one of these. You can inflate, deflate and check tire pressure all with one tool. Why is that important? Because with properly inflated tires, you can ensure tire safety and prevent blow-outs and roll overs. Remember when Ford Explorers had a bad bout with rollovers? That's because their tires were improperly inflated. With this handy tool, you can feel safe on the road.

Make It Right by Mike Holmes- $24.95

Mike Holmes is a contractor in Canada. He had a show on Discovery Home, which is now Planet Green. But he currently has a show called Holmes On Homes on TLC. Anyone ever seen this show? Anyone else think he's hot, or is that just me? Anyway, his motto is "Make It Right", he even has it tattooed on his arm, that's how serious he is. On his show, he goes to people's houses and fixes other contractor's screw ups. It's very interesting and highly educational. We learned a lot about home safely and how to do things correctly and he now has a book, so even if you can't sit by the TV and watch him, you can read about how to make things right.

Lefty/Righty Measuring Tape- $11

Ever heard the phrase "Measure twice, cut once"? Well, if you're a lefty like Mr. H is, you may have to measure twice, then turn your tape around and measure another 3 times for good measure (no pun intended) just to make sure that your your measurements are correct. When you're left handed, simple tasks can be a little more difficult. I never understood this, because I write with my left hand, but this tape measure has measurements on both sides of the tape, so no matter which way you pull the tape out it's legible right side up.

Happy Shopping!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Favorite Things

This is my take on Oprah's Favorite Things. Here are a few things I discovered this year that I absolutely love and think everyone should know about. Unlike Oprah, everyone in the virtual audience will not be getting one of each to take home. Sorry to disappoint. I do hope that some of these ideas will help you out with your holiday shopping!

Hanes Stretch Perfect Panties- $7.00-9.00/2

These are fabulous! I haven't purchased underwear in a very long time. I bought several pair of VS panties about 3 years ago and they have lasted. They're good underwear, but they also cost about $10 a pair and they aren't "wedgie-free" like Hanes. Hanes panties are half the price and come in pretty colored patterns and solids and accommodate sizes 4-11. And they really are wedgie-free. Amazing!

Lands End Supima Cotton Robe- $39.50-44.50

I have raved about this robe before, but I have to say of all my robes (I have 6) this is my absolute favorite! It is so soft and comfortable. It doesn't bind, ride-up, it washes well, the belt stays in place, it has an inside tie to keep it secure. It's warm and did I mention soft? It comes in several colors and sizes, from a petite XS-a women's 3X. Anyone could wear this and be comfortable.

The FURminator (Medium Deshedding Tool)- $24.99-49.99

I had my doubts about this tool. And I certainly was NOT going to pay $50 bucks for a pet brush. That is the retail price at most pet stores. Ridiculous, no? So I did my research with my good friend Google and found an online company that sells this particular size for half the price. They have other sizes available depending on the size of your pet, but it works well on both our dog and our bunny. The bunny sheds more than Autumn and this tool is awesome. Their coat is shinier, smoother and less fuzzy which means less hairy clothes. The website shows a ton of hair around the dogs they brushed. I did not get that much fur off of either of the pets, but it works better than any other brush or comb I have tried. If you have pets, it's an absolute must.

Bialetti Moka Express Espresso Maker- $20.00-50.00

I was looking for an electric espresso maker for Mr. H's birthday back in February. I found that they were way more expensive that I thought they were. I wasn't planning on spending hundreds of dollars, so I didn't get one. Shortly after that, I discovered this fantastic little gem that produced wonderfully aromatic espresso on the stovetop in minutes. We have the 3-cup maker and it makes enough for both of us to have one strong cup- which is more than enough. It's easy to clean (you just rinse and wipe it) and it works perfectly every time. Great for lattes and iced mochas. If you are an espresso fan, you need one of these. Mr. H recommends Illy Moka Coffee brewed in this simple Italian contraption.

James Avery Remembrance Rings- $75.00-250.00

I bought two of these rings, one for Sam and one for Jack. They stack beautifully and come in birthstones for all 12 months. They come in silver and gold in sizes 4-10. Get one in remembrance of your child or one for you and your partner. Or mix and match with whatever colors you like. I bought the silver rings with the peridot (August) and amethyst (February) birthstones. They're simple and sweet and I love them.

Goody Stay-Put Collection- $1.00-4.00

Love these! I have long hair and I don't like it on my neck at night when I sleep, so I often wear it in a pony tail. The problem is, most elastics pull my hair out, are too tight or slide out. It is so frustrating to be sleeping and have to sit up to fix your hair in the middle of the night. Well, with these brilliant little things your hair stays put. The elastics come in several different colors and widths, depending on your needs. But the secret is that they have little rubber nubs intertwined in the elastic to keep your hair secure without pulling it out. They also have headbands, clips and barrettes.

Will Heron Designs- $15.00-22.00

I first saw these silk screened shirts at a local farmer's market. They are so adorable and witty. Buy one for baby, or for yourself. Available in women's and men's in sizes S-2XL (men's only) and children's 3-6 mo. - a youth size 12. This is one of my favorites :-)

Dog by Matthew Van Fleet- $11.55- $16.99

This dog book is so much fun. It has interactive parts, flaps, pop-ups, scratch 'n sniffs, pull tabs and many many different breeds of dogs. Some dogs have silky brown ears and some have soft and fuzzy fur. It really is a cute book and the children I've given it to, loved it as much as their parents.

Tagco Spice Stack- $29

This thing is awesome! Seriously. I had about 30 spice jars sitting on a shelf and it was hard to find the one I was looking for because they kept getting lost towards the back of the cabinet. I tried to make a riser using a brick covered in foil...don't ask. It worked, just not that great. Then I found this spice oranzer. It took up just as much room, so it's not a space saver, but it keeps all your spices, or sprinkles and sugars organized and within reach. Best $30 I've ever spent.

What are some of your favorite things?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Holiday Greetings

I'm stealing this idea from Missing_One who stole it from Niobe and I'm not the least bit ashamed.

I just assembled my holiday greeting cards, they just need to be addressed and stamped. If you'd like to receive a card from me, Mr. H and the furry ones, send me an EMAIL with your name and address and I'll add you to the list. Of course if you'd like to send me one, I would be forever grateful.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wordless Wednesday- New Car & First Snow

We finally found a car! More pics to come :-)

Our first snow flurries this year! Today's high was 81 degrees F then a cold front came and it snowed! Only in Texas! It's not much, but I'll take it.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

What Stupid People Say (Edited)

Last fall when I was making an appointment to see a new OB, I had to fill out new patient paperwork. On this form, they inquired about my father's medical history and his birth date. I could remember the year he was born and my mom couldn't remember, so I googled his name hoping to find something.

I browsed page after page after page, then I found something. But it wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

On an alumni website was info for my step mom and dad. You know, general stuff like where they live, their occupations, hobbies, number of children etc. Then I read the words that broke my heart "happily married with no children".

* * * * * * * * *

I was in a really good mood today when I got to work (more on this tomorrow!) and the house was oddly quiet. LD and Polo were asleep and A. was in the back bedroom getting ready. I straightened up the toys in the living room then A. came out into the living room. We exchanged a few words about our weekends then Polo started to fuss as he was waking up. She went back into the room to get him and I followed behind her, continuing our conversation.

I noticed Polos tiny round head peaking up in the bassinet. A. and I stood in the doorway talking while Polo began to fuss some more. She went to get him and I noticed he was sleeping on his stomach. I asked her if he was sleeping on his stomach and she said yes.

She said she spoke to her pediatrician about Polo sleeping on his stomach and her pedi flipped out and told her she needed to stop putting him down on his stomach to sleep. She argued back and said she did it because he sleeps better that way. The pedi told her to stop doing that immediately. At Polo's last check up, the pedi asked her if she had stopped and she lied to her and said she had.

She was telling me about their conversation, while LAUGHING. I interrupted her laughter and said "your doctor is concerned because of the risk of SIDS". She said, "yeah I know, but babies have been sleeping on their stomachs for years and they're fine. LD slept on his stomach and he's fine."

"7,000 babies each year die -nearly one baby every hour of every day." Again, why does she think she's exempt?

**ETA: I'm not opposed to babies sleeping on their stomachs. In fact 13 years ago when I was taking care of Aaron as a baby, I would lay him down on his belly because that's how he fell asleep and if I put him on his back, he'd wake up crying. I'm not saying babies shouldn't be on their stomachs. I think every baby is different and require different things. When I was reading SIDS stats yesterday, they don't even know if putting a baby to sleep on their backs even helps reduce the risk of SIDS.

What upset me with this situation was that she just acted like it wasn't a big deal. Like it wasn't going to happen to her so she didn't need to comply, even at the urging recommendation of her pediatrician. If someone told me that I may have been putting Aaron's life at risk, I would have altered my behavior- she laughed. **

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The Next Step?

After Sam died, I quit talking to my Dad. I didn't intend to, but that's what happened.

I remember when I told him I was pregnant. I was out of town with my MIL...I'm not sure if Mr. h was there or not, but we were at Wal*Mart of all places in the evening. Okay, now I remember what we were doing there, we were buying ceiling fans for his grandmother (so I guess he was there). Anyway, I remember him being excited for us. Not any more so than anyone else, but excited. I think.

As far as I can recall, we kept him updated throughout the pregnancy, but I only had a couple dr. visits and there really wasn't much to update him on. On the early morning of Sam's birth, Mr. H called my Dad to tell him what was going on. I couldn't speak to him or my step mom. I was an emotional wreck. I got up to go to the bathroom because I felt funny down there and when I got to the bathroom and wiped, I felt Sam's foot hanging outside me. I was hysterical so Mr. H cut their phone conversation short. I don't know if we spoke to them while at the hospital again.

When we came home 2 days later, after making funeral arrangements, I called to tell my Dad. I expected him to come to the service. He did not. He said he had to work and couldn't take time off even though he works for himself and manages his own schedule. He later called and wanted to come a few days after the funeral so we could "spend time together and have fun". I think I've mentioned all this before, but it still bothers me so I'm saying it again.

I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately. Well, not really a lot, but I miss having a Dad. Our relationship wasn't always the best- he never remembered my birthday, we never celebrated holidays together, he asked for a paternity test so he wouldn't have to pay child support- our relationship was not that great, but it was something. Sometimes I try to convince myself that not having a father was better then having him as a father. But I haven't truly convinced myself of that yet.

I've been thinking of writing my Dad to tell him how I feel. I know the things he said after Sam died ("it was Gods plan", "it wasn't meant to be", "there must've been something wrong with him" etc etc etc) weren't meant to be hurtful. I know that now, but it has taken me over 2 years to get to this place. I want to write to him rather than call because I don't want to forget anything. I don't want to be interrupted by what he has to say. And I really don't want to talk to him, I just want to make amends.

But then I remembered today, that I tried to reach out to him. About 6 months after Sam died, I sent him a card and in it was a picture of Sam, a copy of the death notice from the paper, the program from his funeral, a packet of forget-me-not seeds and a blue ribbon that said "Baby Boy" along with a card that had his birth info and his footprints on it. I guess this was my way of trying to make contact with him. I tried to make the first step towards reconciling. He never reached out to me. He never responded to my card, never had anything to say about Sam- his grandson. My older brother (who lives in the same town as him) told me about a year ago that my Dad said I was the one who had a problem. If I wanted to talk to him, I should call, because he wasn't the one who had issues. WTF?

I don't know what else to do. Of course I could call him, I could send him another note, I could've visited when I went to see my grandmother for her surgery and I didn't. I don't want/need to be left emotionally vulnerable. I'm afraid of losing again. I want him to "get it" but I'm afraid he never will. I don't need the drama! As far as I know he doesn't even know about Jack, and that just makes me sad. I want things to be back to "normal" even if things weren't all sunshine and roses.

I don't know what to do next.
BTW, the recipes for Vanilla Buttermilk Cake and the how-to for the cake decorations are up on my other blog, if anyone is interested. My Dad may suck, but this cake doesn't.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Perfectly Made

Darla emailed me a couple months ago. She is a fellow deadbaby momma to Nicholas who was born early at 36 weeks on June 28 and passed away from complications on July 21st. She asked me to add Nicholas' name to the remembrance list. I did.

We emailed each other a couple times and she even mailed me a very sweet card for my grandmother. She doesn't have a blog, or I'd link to her, but trust me when I say she's a fabulous woman.

Then yesterday, a very unexpected card came in the mail addressed to me. Have I ever told you how much I love getting things in the mail? Well if not, I do! In fact, just last week I got a package from Nanny- she sent me fudge! Thank you again Nanny!

Okay, back to Darla... she is so thoughtful and kind. She said somebody made her a bracelet with Nicholas' name on it and she decided that every deadbaby momma she came to know would also get a bracelet with their child's name on it. So today I got two tiny blue beaded bracelets with their names on them. I cried. They are so beautiful and perfectly made by her two hands.

Thank you Darla.

A Baby Shower


We've followed your journey from losing your precious Henry to almost giving birth to your new son Perseus and all the fun stuff in between. I think you're amazing and you'll be an excellent mother. I have no doubts in my mind.

I'm so glad I could be a part of this. Happy Virtual Baby Shower to you!

Thanks Yummy Sushi and Missing One for hosting this!


Wednesday, December 3, 2008


There are several things I wanted to blog about. Many things flowing in and out of my mind. Things that upset me, things that made me sad, things that made me cry, things that made me smile, but as I try to write, nothing comes out. I think about his stuff ALL day long, but the words aren't coming. Well obviously there are "words", but there aren't any well formed sentences and paragraphs. Bear with me. Here's a list. A long list of what's cluttering my head.

Things I think about often:

  1. missing Sam
  2. missing Jack
  3. making a baby
  4. talking mr. h into #3
  5. LD
  6. quitting my job
  7. finding a car (touchy subject)
  8. affording a car
  9. cleaning house
  10. decorating the tree
  11. unloading the ornaments for the tree
  12. making the scrapbook for my Gma
  13. holiday shopping
  14. having no money for #12
  15. holiday baking
  16. finding a mop
  17. putting up the laundry
  18. looking at Polo (LD's brother)
  19. Wanting to hold Polo
  20. Reminding myself that Polo is the enemy right now
  21. Realizing that Polo looks EXACTLY like his father
  22. Realizing I want a baby that looks exactly like his father (my husband not LD's father!)
  23. A. is a freaking wuss
  24. my friend/ ex-friend is in Iraq and I didn't even know it
  25. making a stocking for my aunt's new boyfriend to "make him feel welcome"
  26. going to the bathroom- I really gotta pee, but I'm too busy!
  27. going to bed, but I'm too busy!
  28. changing the sheets on the guest bed
  29. 5k on Friday for RMHC
  30. Holiday cards
  31. Buying stamps
  32. Having to put money in the bank to buy stamps
  33. thinking more about #22
  34. Wishing Sam and Jack were here
  35. Wondering what they'd be like
  36. Flossing my teeth
  37. Vacation- God do I need one.
  38. Getting through another day

There I think that's it. I feel better.

What's been going on with you?