"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

What Stupid People Say (Edited)

Last fall when I was making an appointment to see a new OB, I had to fill out new patient paperwork. On this form, they inquired about my father's medical history and his birth date. I could remember the year he was born and my mom couldn't remember, so I googled his name hoping to find something.

I browsed page after page after page, then I found something. But it wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

On an alumni website was info for my step mom and dad. You know, general stuff like where they live, their occupations, hobbies, number of children etc. Then I read the words that broke my heart "happily married with no children".

* * * * * * * * *

I was in a really good mood today when I got to work (more on this tomorrow!) and the house was oddly quiet. LD and Polo were asleep and A. was in the back bedroom getting ready. I straightened up the toys in the living room then A. came out into the living room. We exchanged a few words about our weekends then Polo started to fuss as he was waking up. She went back into the room to get him and I followed behind her, continuing our conversation.

I noticed Polos tiny round head peaking up in the bassinet. A. and I stood in the doorway talking while Polo began to fuss some more. She went to get him and I noticed he was sleeping on his stomach. I asked her if he was sleeping on his stomach and she said yes.

She said she spoke to her pediatrician about Polo sleeping on his stomach and her pedi flipped out and told her she needed to stop putting him down on his stomach to sleep. She argued back and said she did it because he sleeps better that way. The pedi told her to stop doing that immediately. At Polo's last check up, the pedi asked her if she had stopped and she lied to her and said she had.

She was telling me about their conversation, while LAUGHING. I interrupted her laughter and said "your doctor is concerned because of the risk of SIDS". She said, "yeah I know, but babies have been sleeping on their stomachs for years and they're fine. LD slept on his stomach and he's fine."

"7,000 babies each year die -nearly one baby every hour of every day." Again, why does she think she's exempt?

**ETA: I'm not opposed to babies sleeping on their stomachs. In fact 13 years ago when I was taking care of Aaron as a baby, I would lay him down on his belly because that's how he fell asleep and if I put him on his back, he'd wake up crying. I'm not saying babies shouldn't be on their stomachs. I think every baby is different and require different things. When I was reading SIDS stats yesterday, they don't even know if putting a baby to sleep on their backs even helps reduce the risk of SIDS.



What upset me with this situation was that she just acted like it wasn't a big deal. Like it wasn't going to happen to her so she didn't need to comply, even at the urging recommendation of her pediatrician. If someone told me that I may have been putting Aaron's life at risk, I would have altered my behavior- she laughed. **

8 comments:

Becky said...

I'm sorry you saw that about your dad. (((hugs)))

She can't even fathom something happening to her child because it's not even in her realm of thinking. She doesn't know what she could loose.

We had to put L on her stomach to sleep for naps, and for a little while at night. I was a wreck. Luckily she was still on her monitor, but it was the only way she slept for weeks with her reflux. The doctor told us that he didn't recommend it, but it was the only way she'd sleep and without a doubt, she slept soundly but Derick and I stood watch over her crib. Now she's on her back, on a wedge, and sleeps perfectly.

"They" say that the child can nap on their stomach if you are in the room. No way in hell I would leave them alone.

christyna said...

OMG why are people so stupid and careless? meanwhile if it did happen to her, she'd never stop the "why me" kinda thing I'd bet my life on it. If you can prevent bad things happening to your children, you do. its as simple as that. pure laziness...he sleeps better? yeah well one day he might not wake up either. I wish I could smack people I really do.

The Nanny said...

Oh, that's so frustrating...Why on EARTH would she even risk hurting her baby for better sleep?!?!? Good lord. Every time you write about her she reminds me more and more of Mrs. R.

Rachel said...

Sorry about your dad.

When I first read your comment, I felt defensive, but I since I have read for awhile, I understand where you are coming from.

We had LG sleep on his stomach, and I have found out it is a lot more common than you would realize. Everyone I know who let their infant sleep on their stomach, never told anyone until they met someone else who did it. Between a third and half the moms I know allowed their babies to sleep on their stomachs.

Trust me, I worried to no end, but after several weeks of no sleep, we gave in. We started the stomach sleeping when he was about 4 weeks which co-insided with him rolling over. Also, SIDS is more prevalent in low income families, women who smoke, from overheating, sharing a bed, and I wasn't a teenager. We didn't have any of the other risk factors.

In the US, the current rate of SIDS is 3000 deaths per year out of 4,000,000 births, that is less than .01%. The overall infant death rate is .68%.

In 1992 when the back to sleep campaign started, the SIDS death rate was 5000 which tells me that it isn't just prevented by having a baby sleep on his/her back. A lot of it may be attributed to "code-shifting", classifying a death as something other than SIDS that is found only after the autopsy.

Anyway, although I don't think putting a baby to sleep on the stomach is the worst thing a parent can do, if we are blessed with another child, I will do the back thing first.

Oh, and I did have to go back and look up all the statistics, but I did it originally when we made the decision for LG. And my sister's pedi agreed with us on this issue. Ours didn't.

Rachel said...

misplaced decimal, should be 0.1% not 0.01%

Beth said...

I am truly sorry about your dad. Some men just aren't cut out to be dads. But I am thankful he "decided" to be a father....otherwise you wouldn't be here!

Thanks for your sweet comment!

Rachel said...

I understood where you were coming from, it is just a really interesting topic.

theviewfromthisplace said...

but you see, when things are so easily given they are just as easily taken for granted. shoot, if you would have told me that painting the tip of my nose with purple dots what have gotten Emi & Daniella here safely, you bet ya' I would have done it...
at least you tell her these things...she will never be able to say "no one told me".