Monday, June 29, 2009

happy birthday to me!

This is one of the first birthdays in a long time that I actually feel special. It's kind of an unfamiliar feeling, but I like it.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

My World On A String

Hennifer sent these to me a few weeks back, but I just got around to taking pictures of them. She and her family walked in the March Of Dimes and they wore bracelets that she made in honor of our babies. I just love them and wear them frequently.

Thank you Hennifer for honoring and remembering my sons. That's all I could ever ask for.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Something Kreativ

Marie from My Expected End tagged me a few weeks back for the Kreativ Blogger Award! And I'm just now getting around to it. I didn't forget about you Marie and I thank you for choosing me for this blog award. I'll be sure to pass it on to other deserving bloggers.

Here are the rules.

1. When given the award, you write about seven things that you love.

2. Pass the award to bloggers that you love, and be sure to tag them and let them know they've won.

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1. I love my husband. He's my support system and my cheerleader. He believes in me and provides me with unending love and respect. I try and do my best and reciprocate. As corny as it may sound, I think we were made for eachother.

2. My babes. That's an obvious one. I think they've shaped me into me, or the new me anyway. They've taught me how to love bigger and deeper and with all my heart.

3. On to less sappy things, I love to bake. If you can't tell already, then visit my baking blog. You're sure to gain a few calories just by looking, but it'll be worth it, I promise.

4. I also love photography. I am by no means a photographer, but I enjoy taking pictures and discovering new things through my camera lens. I may be getting a new camera soon, so any suggestions would be helpful!

5. Crafting and creating new and different things. I make handmade cards, and half-ass knit, I do flower arrangements and wreaths, I like painting too.

6. Collections- I have a few collections of stuff I love or really like, such as penguins, elephants, mixing bowls, cake stands and cook books. Speaking of collections, I also have a baggie full of wishbones. odd, I know.

7. My computer- I'm completely addicted!

And since this is about being Kreativ, I thought I'd show you a project I made for Mother's Day.

First, I covered jewelery boxes with scrapbook paper and tied ribbon around the top part of the box and attached pearl beaded letters on them. The paper is from Martha Stewart and the beaded letters are from Michaels. One for my mom and the other for my MIL.

Inside the boxes were cards with a branch pattern on them. Also from Martha Stewart, but you can draw a branch on card stock or cut out paper like I did on the small box (pictured above) to make the tree. The flowers are scrapbook flowers generally affixed with brads, but these are held together by crystal earring that I found at World Market.

And a close up.

It's a cute way to give earrings and makes them extra special.

I am passing this award onto Kristi for her crafting, Lori for her photography, Seraphim for her kindness and generosity, Virginia for her poetry and Rachel for her cake baking.

Congrats ladies!

Monday, June 22, 2009


Hmmm...what to say, what to say.

I intended to write a post for Father's day but I had a full plate and very minimal free time. I've been working extra because the family I nanny for is leaving for a month and they currently have family visiting now. Which only means that A. isn't there because she's out shopping all effin' day. Like today for example.

A's SIL and her husband are in town and she's newly pregnant. They've been here for a few days and each and every day they go shopping for more shit. They bring it home and stack it up in the living room. There's a 10x8' section that is cluttered with baby stuff. A crib, a mattress, a stroller, a pack n' play, a high chair, clothes, bottles, an activity mat, a nursing pump, a car seat, bedding, a lamp, valances, a diaper holder, a diaper champ, diapers etc. etc. etc. It's sickening.

They bought all the stuff here because it's cheaper in the states than where they live. They're driving 4 hours (each way) on Thursday to take all their crap to be shipped via boat to their country. It's nutty, I tell you. I hope they're baby lives and gets to use it all. That's all I'm saying about that. Am I jealous and a bit bitter? You bet.

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Father's day was nice, despite the fact that I got up early to bake a pie for my FIL and at the last minute it went to shit and I shoved it down the disposal. I don't think I've ever cried over a baked good, but this one was tempting. We went to my in-laws house and had a steaks on the grill and lots of other goodies. It was relaxing, but still a little bittersweet. It's not as emotional for me as mother's day is, but it's still hard. June 20th, which was Father's Day in 2005, we got engaged. 2 years later on Father's Day, we announced to our family that we were expecting our first child. It just seems that for a while this holiday was pleasant and now we're missing what makes this day so special.

Sarah sent this picture to me a few days ago. Thank you sweetie, it is just so beautiful.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

still in the race

Just wanted to say thank you for coming out of hiding and commenting on my last post. I sincerely appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Some of your comments made me a little teary eyed. There were 31 comments and I only know 3 of you in real life. Some of you pray for me, think of me, hope for me and I never knew you existed. You all amaze me and I am in awe of your kind spirits.

When I said I was needy, I didn't mean I was in need of comments. This process of trying to make a baby is time consuming, it's exhausting, it's emotionally draining... I was just feeling alone--a little left behind. And I just needed to know you were out there.

I have my good days and my bad days, although I tend to not show how bad I feel inside. I'm grateful to be TTC because it felt like this time would never come. There are some days it feels like we just started trying and then I realize it's been 7 1/2 months and I wonder what the hell is taking so long, or what's wrong with me.

I'm a little jealous of all the pregnancies that are popping up everywhere, some in blogland and some in real life. None of them are my friends, but they're friends of friends and they keep sharing with me the great news. It is great news and I AM happy for them (I promise) but it's just feels like more pressure on me to make it happen. (Rachel, I'm not talking about you).

I know no one is pressuring me and no one is trying to make me feel badly, it just happens. It's like when you're running a race and you're being lapped by the athletes of the group. I'm being lapped over and over again and sometimes I wonder why I'm still running.

I will reach the finish line. That's my goal anyway.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Anyone out there?

Does anyone actually read this blog anymore? I feel like I'm writing to humor myself.

If you're out there, please delurk and let me know. I'm feeling very needy at the moment. Or maybe not needy, but rather insecure... and maybe just a little needy.

Am I not cool enough? Interesting enough? Am I boring you with my non-pregnant talk? Please don't wait til I have good news of a pregnancy to show me your support. I need you now, in my stage of limbo.

See I told you I'm needy.

Ugh, I annoy myself.

For the two of you that do comment on a regular basis, thank you.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Unexpected Blessings

I read the most amazing news today. It made my week, heck, it made my month!

Shauna of Thoughts from My Life had been MIA for a while. She hadn't blogged since November, but I continued to check in on her. Time slipped past me and while I was not clicking over to her blog, she brought home a baby!

Please stop by her blog, read about her unexpected adoption and welcome her new son, Andrew Jack. I just love his name :-)

Congratulations Shauna- I am thrilled for you!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Random Thoughts

My cousin graduated this weekend. Congrats T! It brought me back to the time when I graduated and now I feel so old.

My birthday is in 3 weeks! Woo hoo!

I bought an OvuLite from Amazon and it's on it's way. I'm excited to use it. I read a review on the OvuLite and someone mentioned that they put their husband's semen on the slide and looked at it through the microscope. I thought it was gross, but now I wanna do it too! ha!

Also I started checking my CM and charting a few days ago. It's not as much of a hassle as I thought it would be, though I'm not quite sure I'm doing it correctly. I understand the basic idea of how to check it, I'm just not sure I'm getting the CM near my cervix as they suggest to do. My fingers don't reach that far up. And I'm not sure what time of day to check it. Any suggestions?

I found a chart on BabyHopes.com that is proving helpful as well.

Luci's funeral was last Wednesday, which was 2 weeks after her birth. Mr. H and I went to the cemetery after I got off work to visit her gravesite. She was not buried in the same cemetery as Sam and Jack. Her parents chose a more quaint cemetery in a nearby town and it was really beautiful. Every headstone was different, there were several wind chimes in a hovering tree and it backed up to a wooded area. It was really peaceful.

I wanted to attend the funeral, but Luci's mom stated that she only wanted her family and A. there. So I worked while A. went. I sent along a bouquet of berry colored roses and a card for the family. I wish there was more I could have done. Some of you have asked if I was going to speak with her and be there for her, but there's a language barrier. They are from P.eru and her English is about as good as my Spanish--lacking. I can get by, but I can't carry on a conversation by any means. Though I manage to communicate with a 2 1/2 year old quite well.

While web surfing info on CM, I decided to google 'pictures of a cervix' and I landed on an awesome website, called Beautiful Cervix Project. I obviously don't have a beautiful cervix because mine is effed up, but I have to admit, I was very intrigued.

View at your own discretion. If you're not afraid of the female anatomy, then click HERE to see detailed pictures of a cervix throughout a 30 day cycle. It is fascinating and I want to buy a speculum and have Mr. H take pics of me. I think he'd do it...I should ask him first, hold on for a second...He's laughing at me, but he said YES!

Seriously, go look at the pictures, you might learn something. I know I did. I really do think it would be awesome to have pictures of my cervix (or someone else's) throughout a pregnancy. Since my cervix practically thinned away and became non-existent, I think it would be neat to see the progress, especially in the second trimester, when things seem to go wrong. Any volunteers?

That's all for now. Have a good day!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Lonesome Dove

I have a hanging basket on my back porch that has been there for a very long while. Possibly 2 years or longer, now that I'm thinking about it...sheesh! It use to be a home for a pitiful hibiscus plant given to me when I was in the hospital a while back. Anyway, needless to say, the plant didn't survive. You can see it's remnants in the center of the basket. Don't judge me.

I call it my island :-)

I was going to take it down (what's my rush?) but didn't because I didn't know where to put it. The very next day, this little guy...er, girl, was sitting in it. I went out to take pictures, but it was kind of dark and the wind kept blowing the basket around. I changed the settings on the camera and managed to shoot this. It's a little blurry and looks somewhat like a painting, but I like it!

A few weeks later....a dove-let!

I think this is one of 3. They were all perched up on the island and I went to the door and turned on my camera and they all took off. This little fella flew down and sat on the porch. I walked outside, shut the door behind me, walked towards him, sat next to him and it didn't move! Amazing. I thought maybe there was something wrong with it's wing, but he was fine. Just friendly.

I did not use the zoom to take this picture. I sat next to him, then walked in front of him to get a better angle. I was about a foot away from him and was able to take 3 pics before he flew off.

So fuzzy.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

More Blogging Material :-)

Well as you can see, I am completely "normal"! Only this time they sent the results in two different letters instead of the usual pink cards.

Mr. H checked the mail and said, "well honey at least you have more blogging material!" I'm at least thankful there isn't anything wrong down there or with my thyroid.

They tried to tell me my cycles are off because I'm stressed. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M STRESSED? COULD IT BE?

Did you know stressed spelled backwards spells desserts? Off to the kitchen I go, you know, because I'm stressed!