Checking In

Yesterday was Sam's 6th birthday. It didn't don on me til I was talking to my grandma the other day that he would be going to school this year and that made me so sad. We should be picking out crayons and bag packs and Batman lunch boxes. 

I know I am so blessed to have Hayden in my life and he does a great job and keeping my mind busy so I'm not constantly thinking of Sam and Jack, but he can never replace his older brothers and I don't expect him to. 

Hayden is sick again, only this time he's sneezing and has a runny nose. Mr. H took him to the doctor again and it's just a cold- no infection so we'll just have to let it's run it's course. The first night was rough because he couldn't breathe through his nose and he would wake up frustrated and whiny every 30-45 minutes. He wanted to be rocked back to sleep sitting up, which meant neither one of us got sleep. Last night was a much better night since I propped him up on the Boppy. 

We went to the cemetery yesterday to clean off the boy's headstones and to do a balloon release. Hayden was exhausted but we gave him the balloons to release into the air and he perked up a bit, though he didn't want to let them go. It was sweet to watch him squint his eyes in the sunshine and watch them fly away. We sang and took a few pictures then went home for a nap. I intended to make him cupcakes but I just ran out of time but I just took them out of the oven now and are awaiting frosting. 

My sister is in the hospital. She had to have emergency surgery on Tuesday and is doing better but she's still in a lot of pain. I wish I could go spend some time with her, but she's loopy from the medication and she's clear across town, which makes it hard to visit since Hayden isn't 100% right now either. I would let my mom babysit him, but she's been with my sister almost all day every day so that's not happening. 

We went on a roadtrip earlier in the month to see my aunt who had a baby last month. The road trip was long but it was great to see family and grandparents. Hayden got to meet family and visit the town I grew up in. I also stopped by and went to see my Dad, after not talking for nearly 6 years. That deserves a post all on it's own and I'll write about it later and share photos. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know that we are still here!

Hope you all are doing well. 

~Monica

Hayden is Sick

Hayden has been sick for about a week now. But not the typical cough, sneeze, runny nose sick that one would expect a kid to have. Instead he's been running a fever for days now.

It started last Sunday. He felt warm to the touch but I wasn't home to check his temperature so I didn't check it until Monday. All day Monday it was about 100.9. I gave him Tylenol but that didn't seem to help much. Tuesday morning he was burning up so I gave him more Tylenol and called the doctor. We went in to see him and they checked his nose, throat and ears. All were fine. Because of his previous history with having fluid in his kidneys they wanted to get a urine sample from him. They inserted a catheter and pressed on his bladder which let out big soggy tears. It hurt my heart to see him in pain. Once they were done, he was fine again but it was still upsetting. The urine test came came fine- no infection. Thank goodness.

The next step would have been to do a blood test but we decided to not put him through any more torture. Since Wednesday was a holiday, the doctors office was closed. The doctor gave us the option to take a blood sample from him or to wait it out til Thursday to see if the fever would go away on it's own. We waited.

The fever didn't go away. It was averaging about 102 but went all the way up to 103.7 and as low as 101. Wednesday night he got sick and threw up all over me and down my shirt. Talk about gross. We both got cleaned up then went to bed. Thursday morning we noticed that he still had a dry diaper and got concerned. At that point he had about 10 ounces of milk in him yet no pee was coming out. I fed him cereal and milk and shortly after eating that he threw up again. I called the doctor back and they suggested we just head to the hospital to be treated for possible dehydration.

We head to the hospital after Hayden's nap (about 4:00pm) and he still has a dry diaper. At this point I'm afraid they're going to have to put an IV into his little arms to hydrate him. The weird thing about all of this is that before the vomiting started, Hayden's only symptom was fever. Otherwise he was acting normal, eating normal, playing and happy. If he weren't hot to the touch and flushed you'd never know something was wrong with him. The doctor examined him and said he looked good. He gave him meds to help with nausea, thinking that would allow him to drink milk and keep it down. While waiting in the ER, he napped for about half an hour, then woke up and drank 4 oz of milk and an ounce and a half of diluted juice. Then after 17 or so hours, he had a wet diaper. yay! The doc on call was happy with that so he gave us a prescription for anti-nausea medication and sent us on our way. Again he gave us the option of hooking him up to an IV to hydrate him but we opted not to.

So far, the fever is mostly gone- it's still about 100 but he looks so much better. Though I think his stomach is still bothering him because he's not eating much. We had the Rx filled at Walgreen's and instead of filling it as written in a dissolvable tablet, they filled it as a liquid. Hayden did not react well to the liquid, gagged on it, then threw it up along with his dinner. ugh. The next day we called the pharmacy to refill it as a tablet and they said they couldn't fill the same Rx twice once the medication has left their pharmacy. The reason they filled it as a liquid in the first place is because our insurance wouldn't pay for the tablet. So Walgreen's had to call the hospital and speak with the on-call doctor and have him refax another prescription. They filled it the proper way, but we had to pay out of pocket for it.

Anyway, I've stopped giving him Tylenol since his fever is down, but he's still not eating much. Rather than eating 4-5 bottles a day, he's eating 2-3 in addition to cereal. He's taking the cereal pretty well, but he's not interested in any kind of liquids even when I give him the nausea medication. I don't know if it's working but he seemed to be keeping food down. And he's not acting like he's hungry. Until tonight when he puked all over me again before he went to bed. There's something about having a pool of vomit sloshing in your bra that is rather unappealing. This time I got some in my mouth too. Nasty to the nth degree.

Hayden also has a rash covering his body. The doctor said this might happen after his fever broke so we weren't too concerned once it appeared. It's not itching or bothering him that I can tell. It started under his arm on his left side and it has spread all over his torso, his neck and scalp and a tad over his face. I'm not sure how long this will last, but he just can't seem to catch a break. He's never been sick before so this is just a lot to happen over a course of one week.

On top of all that, he's not been sleeping well. I don't know if it's because his stomach is bothering him, if he's hurting or what. He wakes a couple times a night looking for his pacifier and then he goes back to sleep. Sometimes I'll rock him if I need to, but it's not always necessary. The past few nights though, he's been waking up any where between 3 and 5 am, crying abruptly and hysterically. He's inconsolable, doesn't want to be held, and just starts kicking me. I don't know what's going on. It lasts for a few minutes then he goes back to sleep. Because he's not sleeping well, he's taking an extra nap during the day to make up for it.

It's just been a rough week here in the H household. My mom's birthday was Thursday and I planned to make her dinner and a cake but we ended up spending our time in the ER instead so that didn't happen. I invited the family over tonight for her birthday dinner and while here, she tried to give him Tylenol and Orajel for his teething and she gave him gas drops.

She drives me crazy. EVERY time she babysits she gives him Tylenol and Orajel because "He's teething bad" as she would say. I don't give him meds unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't just pump his body full of crap hoping that one of those elixirs will fix him. I don't even know that he had gas but she gave him drops anyway. I know he was hesitant to eat and maybe that's why she thought he was gassy, but I was just giving him time to develop an appetite before trying again. I wanted to try giving him milk to see if he would take it before giving him the nausea medication. He wouldn't so I gave him a tablet. Later he ate.

After I gave him the meds, she took him to change his diaper. I was on the phone and the next thing I know she's digging in the diaper bag looking for Orajel and Tylenol because his teeth are bothering him. Honestly? He's been biting down and sticking his hands in his mouth since he was three months old. He didn't get teeth until 9 months. I've given him Tylenol and teething gels and he still bites down and chews on his thumb and other toys. It's not a cure-all and I'm not going to keep giving him dose after dose just because he's chewing on his pacifier. I stopped her from giving him more meds and offered a cold teether instead. 2 minutes later she said, "he doesn't want those". She annoys me.

I went to put Hayden to bed and Mr. H walked my mom out to her car. She had the nerve to ask him "why doesn't she give him what he needs?" referring to medication. How dare she? I do my absolute best to care for Hayden. Sure I make mistakes and I'm not the worlds best mom but I'm trying. Does she think if I gave him a daily does of Tylenol that I'd be a better mom? I'm pissed at her so I haven't talked to he about this yet. I made turkey pesto meatballs and spaghetti for dinner. Before she even tasted them, she gave away two of her meatballs to my brother. Apparently I served her too much. She ending up eating half of her spaghetti and left the meatballs because she "doesn't like meatballs", but then claimed that "dinner was good". Um, I'm glad she liked the jarred Prego sauce because that's all she ate. How rude can one be? If someone made me a birthday dinner, I'd be cordial and eat it even if I didn't think it was the best meal.

Whatever, I'm just annoyed so I'm venting. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. If you have any input on Hayden's illness or sleeping issues, I'd love to hear it. Some people have suggested that it could be Roseola, but I'm not convinced since the symptoms didn't quite match up. Anyone else experience any of this with their kids?

Happy Father's Day

There's nothing like watching your offspring grow and learn. You can almost see the wheels in their head turning, absorbing what they're seeing then reacting. It's an amazing thing to witness.

Contrary to what you all might think, I don't follow Hayden around with a camera all the time. But there are times when he commands my attention because he's just so darn cute and curious.

The photo below is of Hayden discovering his Daddy's chest hair. With one hand, he pulled back his shirt and with the other he softly and gently ran his fingers through it. I love that.

Father/son moments like these are just priceless. I know there are many more to come and I can't wait to go running after my camera to capture all those crooked grins.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy! We love you!

~Mom and Hayden

Can you see his teeth? He has one on his upper left and one on the lower right. He looks like  a little jack-o-lantern :-)

Dear Abby

This has been on my mind lately so I thought I'd share it here and hope someone has some insight for me.

I have not spoken to my Dad since Sam died in August 2006- that was five and a half years ago. He lives over 9 hours away, though it's still in Texas and is self employed. I'm mentioning that now because it's crucial to the rest of the story. When Sam died, I called him and invited him to the funeral. Does one really need an invite to a funeral??? Anyway, I needed my Dad to be there for me. I had just lost my baby and was at the darkest moment in my life.

I've never had a close relationship to my Dad. My parents divorced when I was very young, not even sure how old I was. I never lived with him. My mom left us with my grandparents to live and while we lived in the same town as my Dad I just saw him on the weekends. My mom lived in another city. So basically my grandparents were our guardians and our parents. But my Dad paid child support, on occasion, when he felt like it.

Things were better between us as I got older because I didn't need him to take care of me. I didn't need him to pay for anything for me. I was independent and did things on my own. I moved away to a larger city in Texas to live with my mom. We spoke on the phone, we saw eachother when we returned to visit my grandparents. He and my mom both walked me down the aisle when Mr. H and I married 7 years ago. Heck he even came and spent Thanksgiving at our new house in 2005. We had a decent relationship, though we never really had that typical father-daughter type of relationship.

Okay back to when Sam died. I assumed he would be coming to the funeral. I never asked him to, but we spoke on the phone about it, and I gave him all the funeral arrangement information he would need. As soon as my aunt and grandparents found out that I had lost the baby, they drove all night to come be with us. They all live in the same town. I didn't necessarily expect him to do the same, but I thought with a few days notice he could arrange to be there to see his grandson before we buried him. Instead he called me and said they weren't coming because he had to work. Remember, I mentioned that he's self employed and my step mom works for a church. I'm pretty sure they could have arranged something if they wanted to. Money is not an issue so it wasn't because they couldn't have afforded the trip. He said they would come a few days later and we could "go shopping" to take my mind off of things. I was heartbroken, first by the lost of my son then because of my Dad.

After thinking about this for 5 1/2 years, I have come to see things a little differently. His words hurt me then, but I now understand (or I think I do) that he was probably just uncomfortable with the situation and he didn't know what to do, so coming for a social visit was easier. I now know that he didn't intend to hurt me by his actions and words. What I don't understand though is that my Dad is highly religious. They are a huge part of the church and attend 3 days a week, and both services on Sunday. My step mom works there during the week as a secretary and he is an usher. They preach the Bible, pray like it's going out of style and are quick to point fingers at people and other family members who "aren't good people". How hypocritical can one be? He claims to be a "man of God" but doesn't live by what the Bible says,.Though if you were to ask him he would say differently. My Grandma summed it up by saying "he has religion, not God".

Let me back up about 35 years. My mom and my Dad lost their first child together. It was a girl and she was born several weeks early and didn't survive. No one talks about her. I don't even know much about her other than her name, her birthday and that she was premature. So given this information, I expected him to be more sympathetic towards me and my situation. Perhaps my loss just brought back so many memories of his loss that he just couldn't deal with it??? Maybe so, but he had to have felt some kind of connection to what I was feeling. Was he not devastated or sad, or hurting, or disappointed like I was? It was almost as if he was completely disconnected.

I conveyed my disappointment towards my Dad to my mom. I was completely hurt. I needed my Dad more than ever and once again he was not there for me. If there was ever a time to step up, that was it. He didn't. My mom called him and left him a nasty voice mail, only I didn't know about it until after the fact. Well apparently he saved it and still has it and assumed that everything my mother said to him about me hating him and never wanting to see him again was exactly how I felt. He assumed because she said it, that it was directly from me. He, to this day, thinks that I was sitting right there next to my mom feeding her info so she could leave it on his answering machine. I did not. Am I mad at my mom for leaving that message? No because she was hurt because I was hurting and she spoke from her heart, even if it was out of anger. She did what she thought was best and was sticking up for me. Sure she said some not nice things to him but it's not her fault that we are on the situation we are in. He's been a disappointment all my life, this just sealed the deal.

In October of 2006, I sent my Dad a picture of baby Sam, a packet of Forget-Me-Not flower seeds, a blue remembrance ribbon and the funeral pamphlet with all the burial info on it. That was my way of making an effort to include him. At that point it had been two months without speaking to him and I never heard from him as to whether or not he even received the package. He said and did nothing to acknowledge me or his grandson. To this day, he still hasn't. I'm not even sure that he knew that I was pregnant Jack and lost him too. I wasn't even sure that he knew that I was pregnant with Hayden either.

My brother has a "relationship" with him. My brother says it works between them because my brother doesn't expect anything from him. "If you don't expect anything, you can't be disappointed" he says. Well if you ask me, that's bullshit. How can one call that a relationship? Especially when it's with a parent. I'm sorry, but I need more than that. I expect more than that from my friends and neighbors, much less my father! Isn't that what a relationship is? It's about give and take, it's about respect and courtesy towards eachother. Am I wrong? My Dad treats my brother like crap and my brother keeps going back and calling him and fixing things because he longs for that relationship too. Clearly my brother is the better man.

Anyway, about 3 years ago, my brother told me that my dad was asking about me and was wondering how I was doing. I told my brother that if he wanted to know about me all he had to do was ask. My brother then said that my dad was not going to call or reach out to me because I was "the one with the problem". That sent me over the top! Especially since he was the one inquiring about me, not the other way around.

Fast forward to now. My brother is in town visiting. He lives with my grandparents in the same town as my Dad. He and my Dad see and speak to eachother pretty regularly. My Dad told my brother that he had been having dreams about me and was concerned about me and was hoping that I was okay. He told my brother to really talk to me to and establish how I was doing. My brother told him to call me and ask and he replied that he was not going to call because I needed to do that. He told my brother that he just didn't know when I was going "to come around". I don't get it?! It's not as if he's ever reached out to me to make amends. EVER. Maybe he thinks he has because he's been trying to work things out between us using my brother as a middle man. That's not fair to my brother. And my brother has such a big heart and really wants us to work things out that he tries so hard to convince us both to be the better person and to make the first move. But here's where the problem lies. I'm not sure I care to have a relationship with him anymore and that's sad.

I think in a perfect world, we would have a relationship. We would spend holidays together and he would call me on my birthday. He hasn't done that in forever! But things are not perfect and I've spent way too much of my time hoping for him to change and become a father. Now I do believe people can change and he has definitely turned his life around from where he used to be, but still our relationship is not a priority. As I said earlier, my Dad broke my heart. I still love him and I think of him from time to time, but I am no longer holding my breath waiting for him to come around. I have found fatherly roles in other people around me because he wasn't there. After 5 1/2 years I have accepted that things are the way the are. I have accepted that we may not ever have a relationship and I'm finally okay with that. Thinking about him no longer makes me angry (until now!).

But since Hayden has been born, things have changed. He wants a picture of Hayden. He got his feelings hurt because I didn't send him a birth announcement or a Christmas card with Hayden's picture on it. Why would I? I haven't sent him one in the years past so it's not like I just decided to exclude him this year. But every year I send one to his mother (my fraternal grandmother) and he saw it. I'd be more than happy to send him a picture of Hayden if he called and asked for one, but I'm not sending one if he's asking through my brother. I'm not trying to be stubborn here, I just think I deserve more than that.

There was a point where I had so much to say to him and a wise friend of mine told me that he wasn't worth my time and energy. That being upset and holding a grudge only upset me, it only affected me, not him. And that's when I finally understood that she was right. It's like that whole forgiveness thing. You forgive people to set yourself free not to let the people who've wronged you off the hook. I can't say for sure that I have forgiven him, but I've accepted the way things are and I've moved on with my life.

I guess what upsets me now is that my Dad is bringing up the voice mail that my mom left. And saying that because she said I hated him, that I must. I don't hate him. I've told my brother that and he's told my Dad that but he doesn't believe him. He's even spoken to my mom on multiple occasions and he's never once brought it up to her. He wants me to call and tell him that I don't hate him. My Dad says I shouldn't hold on to the past because "the past will kill you" but that's exactly what he's doing. He's a hypocrite. I've moved on and he's dragging me back to that dark place that I don't want to be. I've asked my brother to stop relaying his messages to me and he's asked my Dad the same thing but they just keep on coming. I keep replaying these conversations in my head and it just angers and frustrates me. My brother thinks it's his fault and it's not.

I'm not sure what to do with all of this. I don't feel that it's necessary for me to call. I'm not the one that has anything to say to him. I've made my peace within myself. I've beaten myself up over this for far too long and I'm done. I have my own family that fulfills me and he's not part of it- that was his choice. I think he wants to be a part of Hayden's life though and I'm just not okay with that. He can't have a relationship with my son without having one with me. I'd rather Hayden not know about his grandfather than to ever be disappointed by him like I have been all my life. I don't ever want Hayden to feel unloved or hurt by that man. And I surely don't think it's my responsibility to introduce Hayden into his life just because they're related. If he wants to know Hayden, isn't that his responsibility to make an effort?

Please set me straight here. If I'm wrong, tell me. Is there something I'm not seeing here? Can some of you relate to his side of the story? I need enlightenment. I don't want to deprive Hayden of a relationship with my Dad, but he's just not a good father and I want to protect him from all the hurt he's caused me over my lifetime. Then I start second guessing myself and think that just because he was a crappy father to me doesn't mean he'll be that way with Hayden. But how do I know? It's just too risky.

Happy Mother's Day

I love you momma!

Moms Day Out

I debated with myself about writing this post. I always fear that when I talk about someone they're going to find out and it will end up biting me in the ass. However I'm not talking about this person in a bad way, just as I see it. That just so happens to not be so good :-)

Mr. H's cousin invited me to lunch today. She has a 3 1/2 year old that was born just days before Sam. I love her I really do. And while we have a few things in common and we get along well, we just aren't that much alike. For instance she is 12 years older than me and is a mother to 3 living children. That is who and what she is-- a mother.

She brought her child along with us to lunch and I knew this so it wasn't a surprise to me but it was so hard to not look at him and wonder about my Sam. They would be the same age, had he lived. Would they be friends? Would his mom and I be closer? Would we have play dates? Just the thought of that is sickening. I just don't know. But today made me realize what I am not. Or rather what I do not have.

We live fairly close to one another so she picked me up and we went to the mall since she and I both had a couple things to return. After that, we went to Gy.mbor.ee, Chi.ldrens P.lace, The Di.sney St.ore, we waited so her wee one could get on a carousel in the middle of the mall, we browsed the windows of Bu.ild A Be.ar and we had lunch in the food court. After that we went to a larger department store so I could look for something to wear for the funeral. When we left we picked up her kiddos from school.

Now I don't want to say that she was being selfish in wanting to go to these places because that is her life and those are her interests. Those are the places she needs to go...but I have no business in there whatsoever! In fact most of the time I was watching the stroller or making sure her child didn't run out of the store while she was shopping. At one point she handed me her Starbucks and asked me to hold on to it so she she could finish looking. It was my day off yet I was still running after a 3 year old. This bothered me. A lot.

Not to defend her or her actions but maybe this is what she and her friends do together???

Of course I said nothing. What could I say? I don't fault her for being a mother. I don't fault her for not knowing what it's like to be a childless mother. And while she did try to make small talk about us TTC, she just doesn't get it. We live in separate worlds and yet just a couple miles in between.

Wedding Day

Here are some pics of my aunts wedding. She looked really pretty. In this picture is my mom, sister, me and grandma along with the bride.

My grandpa and uncle walking her down the aisle.

I didn't realize my brother and cousin were going to be escorts in the wedding until the day before the wedding. They're just so cute. Here they are walking my grandma back to her seat after lighting the one of the candles.

And here are the bride and groom lighting the unity candle.

My beautiful sister. I didn't really get a good picture of her all dolled up but she was the prettiest one up there.

The HUGE wedding cake. If I remember correctly, the cake was vanilla and chocolate. There was a ton leftover and we brought some home but we left it with our in-laws so I didn't get any more.

The interesting grooms cake. I'm not sure what flavor it was. It was a very light pinkish peach color. It smelled like strawberry but tasted like liquor. Not sure about that one.

They were just pronounced Husband and Wife. I wish them a lifetime of health and happiness.

Family

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that a friend of mine took our family photos. Well I got them today and I absolutely love them. Like big puffy heart love them!

Lori, you are so incredibly talented. Thank you so much!

If you live in central Texas and need family photos I highly recommend you contact Lori asap!

Happenings

Not much going on lately, which I guess is a good thing.

On Saturday we went to the capitol and took family pictures. Actually my talented friend, Lori, took our pictures. We had great fun though it was a little humid. I can't wait to see how they turned out! We haven't taken a family photo (mom and siblings) since my sister was about 9 months old. She is now 23! Crazy huh? I'd say it was about time for another. This time my little brother, my step dad and my hubs were all there too. I'll share them with you when I get them. Thanks again Lori!

After our photo shoot we went to the RV show. Don't laugh. I'd love to get an RV and travel with the pets. Oh, that would be so much fun, don't you think? Especially this time of year when the leaves are changing and it's getting cooler.

After the RV show we went to dinner at Out.back Steakhouse. We were going to go somewhere else but I remembered how good and garlicky their Caesar salad was, so that's where we went. When we were seated at our table they had a laminated booklet of appetizers and desserts propped open on the table showing 2 pages.

On the right page was a picture of a birthday cake and candle that said "It's Jack's Birthday!". As I sat down, I saw the other page that was an ad for Sam A.dams Beer. I smiled at Mr. H sitting across the table from me- both our boys were right there with us for dinner.

Afterwards we went to see a movie- Love H.appens. It was much more different than I expected. I knew that A.aron Ec.hart's wife in the movie died then he later met J.ennifer A.niston's character and fell in love. Kinda. His wife did die and he did meet another woman but it was so much more than that. In the movie he wrote a self-help book for those who were grieving the loss of a loved one. 90% of the movie is about him trying to help others deal with their losses when he hasn't even dealt with his own loss.

A father in the movie lost his son and he blames himself. The feelings that they portrayed were so real and took me back to those days. The blame, the guilt, the desperation. Of course it all had a happy ending but it wasn't so much of a love story/romance as one would expect. I think A.aron Eck.hart was brilliant in this movie but just know it's not one for a first date. And don't forget your tissues.

On another note, I am making sugar cut-out cookies and cupcakes for a "welcome baby" party this weekend. You may remember that I told you about A's friend who was pregnant with twins until one (Luci) died. Well the surviving twin is doing well and growing like a weed. I haven't seen her but I've been told she looks like a "normal" newborn baby. Her due date was in August but since she was born a little early she had to stay in the hospital for several weeks. She is home now and has been for a month or so they're having a welcome/meet the baby party for her this Sunday. I was invited but I don't think I'll go. It just doesn't feel right.

My Summer Boy

At midnight we lit a candle for Sam. As I looked at the flickering flame I wondered if I should refer to Sam as a baby or a toddler. He'll forever be my baby but in my mind he's a rambunctious little boy.



I spent the better part of Friday baking and decorating this cake for Sam's birthday. I wanted to make him proud and I hope this cake does him justice. It's a 3 layer white and dark chocolate checkerboard cake frosted in a white chocolate buttercream and coated in a semisweet chocolate ganache.



I made butterflies and a dragonfly out of chocolate and candy melts using a method I found in this book.



Mr. H picked out these flowers to take out to Sam at the cemetery. I don't think they could have been more perfect. Sunflowers are the epitome of Summer. And since Sam was born on one of the hottest days of the year in 2006, I can't think of a more appropriate bouquet.



Here's the birthday boy with his flowers. They're not in this picture, but Monica took out a lovely bouquet and cards for both boys. Thank you sweetie.



My in-laws and little brother went with Mr. H and I to the cemetery. We sang happy birthday to him in 5 part harmony. Ha ha ha! If you could have only heard us. My in-laws (MIL) can't hold a tune in a bucket. It's so funny and we all end up laughing at some point during the birthday song no matter whose birthday it is. Bless her heart, she tries :-)



The sun was setting as we left the cemetery before heading to dinner. After dinner we devoured some cake and sang to him again.

We love you sweet boy. Happy 3rd birthday my toddler baby.

Homecoming

I stole this picture from my Grandma's photo album about a year ago. Don't worry, I photo copied it and gave it back to her. I knew it was a picture of me and my mom but I didn't know when it was taken.

Several weeks back, my mom was telling me the story of my birth. She said she had a picture somewhere of her holding me at the park, when I was only 5 days old. I was born a little early so I had to stay in the hospital for a few days. I was released on the 4th of July and we went straight to Veteran's Park to enjoy the fireworks and festivities, complete with Coca-Cola.

In the bottom right-hand corner is my brother and my Grandpa's feet. And in case you're wondering, he still has those shoes.

I wish you all a safe and memorable Independence Day!

6 Months and Counting

A few of you have asked about the status of us TTC. I don't mind the interest or the questions, it's just easier to write about it here than to answer the same thing several times in emails.

So... as of today, May 1st, we are at 6 months and counting. Last month I thought I could have been ...with child, then AF showed up 3 weeks late and ruined it for me. This month was a bust too. I started a week earlier than I should have. It lasted a week then stopped, then 2 days later I started spotting again.

So we wait and see.

Anyone have any suggestions on ovulation predictors/methods. I've tried OPK's and they're too expensive for me to keep up with and I did it for 3 months and never saw the egg. Anything you did that worked?

BTW, today is also my Dad's birthday. Happy Birthday Asshole.

Time

Mr. H's maternal grandmother passed away yesterday, rather quickly and unexpectedly.

She had difficulty catching her breath on Tuesday and we thought that was a direct result of not doing her nebulizer 5 times daily and not getting any exercise. It could have been those things and maybe not. The EMS was called to check her vital and was declared, in good health.

The following day (Wednesday) they admitted her to the hospital for a follow-up because she still could get a deep breath. She was later diagnosed with a p.ulmonary e.mbolism, which is a blood clot in her lungs. I don't know if she knew she was going to die, or if she could even comprehend what was going on. She was on oxygen, M.orphine and A.tivan.

My MIL called me yesterday (Sunday) to tell me she didn't have much longer because the clot had moved and 15 minutes later she passed. It just happened so unexpectedly and we're still kind of shock.

Since the funeral home is backed up with customers (crazy!) my MIL can't meet with the director until tomorrow. The funeral will be sometime this week, but no earlier than Thursday. We'll be travelling 4 hours to get there. I should know more tomorrow afternoon, hopefully.

Though, I wasn't close to her, please keep Mr. H and his family in your thoughts.

She was with us for 88 years and will be missed.

Man In Black

This is my FIL and today is his 68th birthday! These pictures were taken at a military funeral at the H family cemetery last year. In Texas it is customary for all the men to wear cowboy hats and boots at funerals, no matter the weather or who passed away. It's just an unwritten rule.

Happy Birthday B!

Jack's Second

I spent Friday afternoon making these fabulous vanilla bean rainbow cupcakes for Jack's 2nd birthday. They were perfect and I'm sure he would have loved them.


I took these little goodies out to him at the cemetery- a race car birthday candle and a set of Jacks for my Jack.

It was sunny and cold- about 55 degrees but it was really windy to it felt much cooler! Mr. H played "Happy Birthday" for Jack while we watched and listened. It was a beautiful afternoon.

Afterwards we went to lunch then went back home to eat cupcakes and release balloons.



A few messages of love for my little Love.


Mr. h taped mini cupcakes to the balloons but they fell straight to the ground. So we took them off, smeared frosting on the balloons and let them go. They disappeared almost instantly.

We then fed the mini cupcakes to the dogs. They loved them.


We love you Jack. Happy Birthday.

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Click here to wish Mr. H a Happy Birthday!