My Valentine- 2007

This time of year is just depressing for me. Last year we were in "Save Jack Mode". Everyday was a struggle. I would cry often. I was exhausted. I had daily headaches from lying in bed/couch/bed/couch and crying so much. I didn't know what the air smelled/felt like except for the one day a week doctor appointment. That was the highlight of my week. I could go outside AND see my little man on the ultrasound screen. I could see his heart flutter and his tiny legs kick. He was a fighter and he tried. I tried.

Last year, my grandmother was here helping to take care of me. She would help cook and clean. She cleaned the bathtubs every other day, so it would be clean for me. I only took a bath every other day because I didn't want to risk standing up for such a long period of time. If I could avoid the pressure and stress on my pelvis I did. If I was thirsty or needed something, I would do it on the way to the bathroom, so I could limit my walking. It sucked. I was miserable but I did it. I did it to keep my baby from being born too early. It didn't work, but I wonder how things would have been differently if I didn't try.

My in-laws came over with tulips and dinner. Surprisingly they don't visit that often (whew!) but they made it a point to be with us on that day. She made petite bacon wrapped steaks, potatoes and another side dish. I really don't remember as it was a fog. I remember being uncomfortable in my seat, because I felt like my insides were going to fall out. Earlier that day, I made a Valentine card for my honey while laying down on the couch (not an easy task). I even made the envelope with is awfully crooked that I decorated with paper hearts and a silver paint pen. Classy.



The card turned out pretty cute though. I haven't looked at it until today. I forgot what it said. I just read it and it made me sad. It reads as follows:

"Thank you for loving me each and everyday. Thank you for showing me how much you care. I appreciate all the little things you do for me and our family and I'm truly blessed to have you as a husband and now as a father to our babies! I love you more and more everyday. Happy Valentine's Day My Love!"



For Valentine's Day I bought Mr. H a heart locket. I got it from H.allm.ark before I had the cerclage placed in January. At the time I had no idea what it would mean to me today. It is a heart shaped pocket piece that you can put two pictures in. I bought it because I liked it, not because I thought he would actually use it. I actually questioned giving it to him because I thought he'd never carry it. I thought it would sit in his dresser never to see daylight. I was wrong. I couldn't decide what pictures to use, but I decided to use sonogram pictures of the boys since that are our Loves. I gave it to him at dinner and he cried. He loved it. It used to be shiny and pretty and now it's worn and dull. I think I love it more now than I ever anticipated. This heart locket was not intended for me to use, but I held it when we were in the ER as Jack was barely hanging on. It gave me strength. I now sleep with this heart in my hands every night and have done so every night for the last year. I kiss it goodnight and I kiss it in the morning when I place it on my nightstand. I feel close to the boys when I carry it. During the day, Mr. H carries it in his pocket. When I miss them I open it to see their pictures. It's the best Valentine I could have asked for.

Sam (left) and Jack (right)