Remembering Our Babies

**This is an ongoing list from 2007 to current**

Today is October 15th, a day of awareness and remembrance. Please take a moment to read and speak these babies names aloud. They deserve to be acknowledged. These are the angels that I "know".

Samuel Andrew- August 15, 2006
Jackson Robert- February 21, 2007
Adrianne Miranda- August 16, 1977
Lucas Allen- June 15, 2006
Baby Ford- March 8, 2007
James Travis- August 13, 2006
Sara Elizabeth- October 2, 2006
Logan Matthew- October 25, 2006
Bailey Louise- June 9, 2006
Evan Wesley- May 24, 2007
Mikaela Gabrielle- February 12, 2006
Reef Kaiolohia- February 7, 2007
Sam T.- March 23, 2007
David K.- March 5, 1999
Madison Grace- April 1, 2007
Brionna Faith- September 11, 2002
Julia Izabelle- July 12, 2001
Rae T.- January 12, 2007
Scott Nicholas- March 22, 2007
Lilly M.
Lydia Eve- May 9, 2007
P.G. Evans- September 4, 2007
Cameron Reid- August 30, 2005
Tyler Scott- November 29, 2007
Hayden Leo Rich-Masters- January 13, 2005
Benjamin Thomas- December 31, 2003
Nicholas Joseph- June 28 - July 21, 2008
Arin & Alex- August 13, 2004
Carleigh McKenna- March 28, 2009
Ava Rose Daher- April 14, 2009
Sophia & Ellie- April 25, 2009
Harry Line- April 24, 2008
William Jared- May 29, 2009
Ethan William James- June 14 - August 1, 2008
Aiden & Sophie- April 13, 2009
McKenna Grace- March 2, 2009
Oscar Friedrich & Bella Marjorie- July 30, 2009
Emi- February 23, 2007
Daniella- May 12-13, 2008
Cooper- July 30, 2007
Brayden- March 6-7, 2008
Dylan Michael- May 8, 2006
Riley James- December 26, 2006
Ethan- May 23, 2008
L.A.M.B
Christian- January 26, 2007
Jacob- September 8, 2007
William Kelly- February 1, 2006
Harvey- July 7, 2007
Baby Franklin- February 25, 2007
Nadia & Cerina- November 18-24, 2006
Emma LaRue- September 1, 2007
Logan Thomas- August 4, 2008
Kinsey & Ryan- November 2005
Gregory- June 17, 2008
The Twins- October 2006
M- December 16, 2005
Ms. G's Baby- October 2009
Henry- January 17, 2008
Sarah's Baby Girl- September 9, 2002
Jessica Anne- May 12, 2007
Rory- May 8
Kameron Elijah- April 27, 2005
Baby McDowell- October 2009
Evan Clements Maynard- December 24, 2007
Gabriel Elliott Groce- October 19, 2009
Felix David Groce- April 4, 2008
Ethan- April 13, 2008
Michaela- February 13, 2009
Emma Jean Moelder- October 21, 2009
Tianna Michael Madison Lopes- August 20 -Sept. 27, 2009
Ashley Ariana- born sleeping at 19wks
Madeline Corinne- November 11, 2009
Brett- June 2, 2008
Ireland Elizabeth- January 26, 2010
Selena Kay- March 8, 1999
Luke- April 11, 2009
Allyson Lee- February 24, 2010
Kanin Wade Standley- January 11, 2009
Christian Noel- May 6, 2009
Grace Christian- September 2, 2010
Baby Dupuis- August 7, 2009
Baby Dupuis- December 1, 2009
Collins Babies- March 2005 & June 2006
Wyatt Daniel Keith- August 8-21, 2010
Ethan Daniel Keith- January 24, 2005
Chandler Keith- June 22, 2004
Kendall Keith- December 16, 1998
Mary Lynn Keith- December 18, 1994
Chloe Nicole Beck- June 19, 2009
Matthew Joshua- December 2, 2007
Brandon Scott- December 4, 2007
Annalyse and "Our Little Boy"- April 24, 2011
Gabriel Lee Meza- born at 18weeks
Baby Sheridan- August 17, 2009
Baby Sheridan- January 15, 2010
Johnrey McGrew- September 4, 2007
Payton Meadow- February 14, 2011
Baby Terrell- July 29, 2005
Baby Jaleyce- June 25, 2011
Jae Marie- November 17, 2010
Angelica Oas Mann- August 17, 2011
Cooper Thomas- January 7, 2009
Ashley Rose- June 21, 2011
Carson James- July 28, 2010

William Hudson Oliver- October 31 - November 1, 2011
Emma Grace Oliver- November 1, 2011
Matthew Phillips- September 30, 1976
Alexander North Bieniek- August 21, 1998
T.J McMahon- January 16, 2001

George Allen McMahon II- October 27, 2003
Todd Allen McMahon Jr- December 2, 2004
Jacob- July 24, 2006
Jonathan- August 12, 2006
Benjamin- September 27, 2011
Gissele- December 10, 2008
Kylee- January 29, 2011
Baby Arends- February 8, 2012
Baby O'hare- January 18, 2012
Ellisyn Rae- February 20, 2012

How very softly you tiptoed into our world.
Almost silently.
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint your tiny footprints have left upon our hearts.

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Please honor your baby or a baby you know by leaving their name under comments and I will add them to the list of babies to always be remembered.

Thank you,
Monica

For Brandon & Janet

Brandon- Thank you for your strength, bravery and your courage. We appreciate all you sacrifice in fighting for our freedom. Please be safe and return home to your momma.

Janet- I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace. Hugs my friend.

Many prayers are headed your way. And readers if you can spare any good thoughts, Brandon and his family sure could use them.

Thinking of a friend on her birthday...(Updated)

Update: Well I'm a dope and got my dates mixed up. Kristi and Sara's birthday is tomorrow. Kristi, that just means you get double the love!

And a special happy 2nd birthday to Andy!

Kristi, you and Sara are on my mind and in my heart today.

Miss you,
Monica

_________________________________________________

P.S. Did anyone else catch C.SI: New Y.ork last night? In the beginning when the guys car broke down in a bad part of town, he calls for help and tells him he's by Jack & Sam's Storage.

That made me smile :-)

I'm Supposed To Be Happy

I'm in a funk. A big one. And I care not to talk about it at the moment so I'm going to do a meme that Sarah tagged me with on things that make me happy.

Here are the rules:

1. Mention and link back to the person that tagged you. (check)

2. List 6 little things that make you happy! (check)

3. Tag 6 other bloggers and let them know "They're it". (if you want to do it, consider yourself tagged).

This is tougher than I thought because I'm not in the greatest or happiest of moods. I was hoping this would make me think about all the good things I have in my life- it not. I keep going there. (dig deep Monica, dig deep!)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1. Mr. H- He's (mostly) patient with me and supportive of all I do. Though he's told me I'm not allowed to use the "high heat method" to roast chicken anymore :-) Something to do with smoke alarms and such...

2. Sam and Jack- Though that's a given. I love them with all my heart. And then some.

3. Autumn- When I'm sad or down or just so-so, she does something to make me laugh. She's such a goof ball and a hairy lover. And she never complains- gotta love that!

4. August- Because he's such a little stinker and he gives Mr. h attitude when he tries to feed him or change his litter box. But he so lovable with me. Except for that one time when he bit my boob!


5. My friends- Because they try to understand and they're there for me. They let me know I'm not forgotten. Thank you.

6. Blogging/Baking/Photography- It fills up my off time and it keeps me busy. In turn I've made a lot of online friends who have been far more supportive than I ever thought possible.

There, that wasn't so bad.

Meeting

This is Lily. Isn't she a cutie?

Friday evening we met Becky, Derick and Lily in San Antonio. They arrived on Wednesday for their first family vacation. From what she wrote on her blog, I think they had a good time. At least I know the weather was nicer here in Texas than in Pennsylvania :-)

This is Becky and I waiting for the water taxi. We only had to walk a couple blocks back to the hotel, but we decided to take the water taxi since they had passes that were going to expire. It took forever--about an hour and a half, but it was a pleasant ride down the river. It's a good thing we didn't have any where to go. It was hot too and I got a little sun on my arms, but hopefully that'll turn into a tan. I'm hoping anyway :-)

Mr. H and I...

And here's Lily again. This was taken while we were on the river taxi. She was such a good trooper. I don't think she cried once while we were there. She was so quiet and well behaved. I was/am impressed by her. She kept staring at Mr. H who was sitting directly across from her. Look at her face! She cracks me up!

We planned on visiting the Alamo, but the tour line was forever long, so we decided to skip it and walk around and sight see instead. Look...more tourists!

We had a nice time in San Antonio. Our trip was very quick, but we got to meet some very sweet people that I had been looking forward to meeting for some time. Hopefully one day, we'll meet up again with our kiddos in tow. For now, I'll leave you with my favorite girls.

I miss them already.

Bittersweet

We're on our way out to attend the funeral for Mr. H's grandmother. The service will be tomorrow morning, followed by a luncheon at a local church.

Then we're off to San Antonio for the rest of the weekend to meet a long time blogging buddy, who is flying in from PA with her beautiful family.

It will definitely be a bittersweet weekend.

Thank you all for your comments, well wishes, prayers and thoughts regarding our loss. We appreciate them more than you know.

Survivor Scrapbook & A Few Thank You's

Here is the Survivor scrapbook I made for my Grandmother. It was wrapped in breast cancer ribbon paper, and tied with a pink bow. She thought it was too pretty to open to she sat with it in her lap for a while before opening it :-) These aren't all the pages, but a good majority of them. I hope you like it. Now bad for my first attempt.

(Click on any picture below to enlarge)

A very special thank you to those of you who took the time to send a picture or note for my grandmother. She absolutely loved it and I can't thank you enough for your generosity.

Nanny - Thank you for your inspirational words and hopeful pink hearts.
Christyna - Thank you for the thoughtful card. So touching.
Niobe - Thank you for the hopeful photos of the candles.
Kristi - Thank you for the postcard, the "tatas" sticker and the photo of Ethan- so cute!
Jennifer -Thank you for the handmade drawing/card for my Grandma. And thank you to your son for lending his talent.
Erica - I know you had the best of intentions and that's all that matters. Thank you for thinking of my grandmother.
Reese- Thank you for the picture of the tulip and the poem. So beautiful.
Jaded- Thank you for the festive pink ribbon card for my grandmother. It was perfect.
Darla - Thank you for the lighthouse card and for the words of encouragement.

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As some of you have already noticed and commented on, I have updated some of the photos on this site for the new year. My friend, Lori, of Each Day Wiser, graciously took our photo for our holiday cards. She also took several others (about 140- total!) I have put a few of my favorites on here already, including the picture at the very bottom of the page.....go ahead, scroll down. I'll wait..... the photo of Mr. H and I to the right, the picture of Autumn, and the picture of the two empty chairs in the corn field, that symbolizes my boys, Sam and Jack.

Thank you Lori for your time, your effort and your great talent. We love the pictures and are so pleased you captured us all as a family.

A Baby Shower

Antigone,

We've followed your journey from losing your precious Henry to almost giving birth to your new son Perseus and all the fun stuff in between. I think you're amazing and you'll be an excellent mother. I have no doubts in my mind.

I'm so glad I could be a part of this. Happy Virtual Baby Shower to you!

Thanks Yummy Sushi and Missing One for hosting this!

~Monica

Long and Lazy

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Hope you all have full bellies, plenty of leftovers and are still sane if you went shopping this weekend. Did you hear about the guy who got trampled to death by shoppers? Ridiculous. Is the new talking Elmo really that important? Seriously.

We had dinner at out house on Wednesday night for my in-laws. My MIL hasn't been feeling too well, so she appreciated the peace and quiet and the ability to stretch out on the couch after dinner, while eating chocolate chip pecan pie. I was in the kitchen from 12-9pm. I made the best turkey breast I have ever eaten, mashed sweet potatoes, broccoli rice casserole, creamed spinach (which I forgot about in the microwave!) egg gravy, dinner rolls and 2 chocolate chip pecan pies (recipe to come) and artichoke spinach dip. I was exhausted but it was well worth it. What did you make or eat?

On Thursday we went to my aunts house for a late lunch. it was nice to not have to do all the cooking and cleaning. Although I do have to thank Mr. H for cleaning and doing laundry while I was cooking. He also put up all the lights on the house yesterday and today. They look wonderful, so thank you honey!

Today, a friend and I went to the ceramic shop to make and paint ornaments and "sugar cookies". They're going to be so cute. I'll leave you with a little sneak peak. We had to roll the clay, cut out the shapes then paint them. We even made little plates and mini mugs of cocoa. Well, I made them, but it was her idea :-) Hopefully we'll get them back soon so I can show you.

How was your long weekend?

May It Be Peaceful

Wishing my special friend, Kristi, a peaceful birthday as she is missing her sweet daughter Sara. If I could wipe away your tears and make everything better, I would. Sara, we miss you.

Sara Elizabeth

October 2, 2006

Stop And Smell The Pink Roses

“Give the Pink Rose Award to those who inspire you or need to be inspired, to those who have encouraged you or those who need encouragement.”

The Pink Rose Award was given to me by Jaded Me at A.View.From.This.Place. Thank you for thinking of and honoring me and my boys. It means so much.

The one requirement was to give this to someone deserving, so I give this pink rose to you all. You all in some way or another have inspired, encouraged, and supported me. So thank you.

For Monica, Kristi and Lori because you have become such great supportive friends. Monica, you visit the boys and honor them and you encourage me through rough times (usually over lunch :-). Kristi, you remember me even though we no longer live in the same city. You call me and send me sweet little goodies to brighten my day and I appreciate it. Lori, for opening up and sharing and for letting me talk about myself. Sometimes we just need a friend to listen.

For Chrystina, because you always know just what to say and to make me feel better. For Erica, because despite having brain surgery you are so selfless and you pray for others rather than asking for people to pray for you (but I do, btw). Thank you for supporting me in spite of all the other crap you have to deal with in your own lives.

For Becky, Mrs. Muelly, JadedMe, Sam and Meg because despite your own devastating losses, you still support and encourage others who are in the "club". Becky, you give me hope. Mrs. M, you are an inspiration. J, you are true to yourself, and inspire me to be the same way. Even though you have given this award to me, I give it back to you! Sam, you're hopefully optimistic and it's contagious. Meg, you amaze me and keep me going.

For Antigone, Niobe, Reese, JGirl, Coggy, and Basil Bean because you are all expecting a baby. You encourage others through your stories and you give others who would normally feel hopeless, a little glimmer of hope. You may not always feel it, but you're all strong women and it's inspiring.

For Ms. G, Virginia, Sarah, MKV, Holly, Rachel, Heidi, Amy B, Wannabe Mom and Froggy Mom because you offer support to me and other deadbaby mamas after your losses and through the births of your new babies. Your stories, lives and babies encourage us to keep going. You are our future.

And for Nanny, because even though you have never been pregnant or had a loss, you read our blogs and offer encouragement to all of us who have. You read because you "don't want to take anything for granted" because you know these things could happen to you. That's admirable but I hope and pray they don't.

I honor and thank you for being my virtual friends. I'd be lost without you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1. On your blog, copy and paste the award, these rules, a link back to the person who selected you, and a link to this post: http://smartone.typepad.com/smartone/2008/05/pink-is-my-favo.html. You will find the story behind the Pink Rose Award and other graphics to choose from there.

2. Select as many award recipients as you would like, link to their blogs (if they have one), and explain why you have chosen them.

3. Let them know that you have selected them for an award by commenting on one of their posts.

4. If you are selected, pass it on by giving the Pink Rose Award to others.

5. If you find that someone you want to nominate has already been selected by someone else, you can still honor them by posting a comment on their award post stating your reasons for wishing to grant them the award.

6. You do not have to wait until someone nominates you to nominate someone else.

Giving Back

For Sam's birthday we made a donation to Ronald McDonald House. As I've said before, the RMH together with a local grief therapist provided a free support group for families of loss. We attended 2 groups last year that helped us quite a bit so we wanted to give back.

A friend of mine also made a donation in memory of her son, so we went together. She made yummy looking chocolate chip cookies (homemade- I'm so proud of you!) and donated several household items such as laundry detergent, dish soap, coffee etc. Lots of items they'll get tons of use out of.

And I made spiral cookies and donated a gift for a two year old boy. That was my only request- that the toy be given to a well deserving (aren't they all) rambunctious little 2 year old boy. It was something Sam would have loved and I wanted another child to enjoy it as well. Luckily there was a wee one there who they were going to give the toy to- yay! I wish I could have seen him play with it.

I wrapped them in tissue, put 'em in a "Happy Birthday" box, and tied it with a bow.

I also gave a book that reminded me of my Sam :-)

And wrote a little something inside the cover.

This is the toy we chose for a 2 year old boy. It's fabric covered tools in a toolbox. The drill has a cord that vibrates when you pull it.

And this is everything all dressed up and ready to walk out the door.

If you'd like to make a donation, click HERE or contact me to find out how you can help.

Welcome Lily!

This is the BIG secret from yesterday, revealed.

Becky had her beautiful baby girl about 8 weeks early- surprise. All is well with both Mom and Baby Lily.

I just feel that because Becky and I had such similar birth stories- 2 losses at almost the same gestation, we both have IC. We both had a cerclage with the second that failed, we've both been with our husband for the same amount of time, we're roughly the same age, the similarities are quite eerie, but it gives me hope that I can do this too.

Please go check out her beautiful blessing and wish her a sincere congratulations- she deserves it after all she's been through.

~Monica

Major Secret

I know something you don't know- and it's BIG (and happy)!

Wanna try to guess what it is?

And no I'm not pregnant.

Bundle of Boy

Please head on over to see the new bundle of boy, Wannabe Mom has brought home. He is absolutely beautiful and I'm so glad he has safely entered this world. Congrats!

It's Complicated

And no I'm not talking about this lovely bit of reality TV.

I'm talking about my grandma and her surgery last week. I spoke to her on Friday and she was in a great mood and feeling fine. She was laughing and watching I Love Lucy reruns while I was talking to her on the phone. It was so good to hear her laugh. It's been a long time since I've heard that. A long time since it was sincere.

She slept most of the day Saturday and was not feeling well, but never said anything to anyone. She started to run a fever (102) and her breast started to hurt and swell. In the wee hours of the night she started to call for help because she just couldn't hide her pain anymore. My aunt called her doctor (who is out of the country) and was referred to a different doctor who took off for the weekend to Mexico. She ended up getting a different doctor (who apparently was HOT!) to care for her.

He ran tests to check for infection. Put her on antibiotics and admitted her to the hospital for two nights. She should be going home tomorrow depending on her progress. When they inserted the drainage tube last week, they put in a smaller gauge tube than her previous surgery. They didn't expect much fluid to drain from her incision so they put in a smaller tube. Well what happens when she lays down is the fluid doesn't drain at a steady pace and when she gets up it drains but clots. (it's kind of like when you're on your period and you go to sleep. When you get up in the morning, it all wants to come out all at once). Except, the fluid and blood solidifies into tiny, sometimes stringy beads. You have to squeeze them out and work them down the tube into the vessel. We think this has happened. And the fluid is not draining out of her body, resulting in swelling. Retained fluid resulting in infection and infection resulting in an overnight stay at the hospital an hour away from home.

I've called her a couple times and she was asleep. I spoke to my grandfather (who never really says much and always forgets to pass on messages) about my grandma and he said he'd call later to update me. He didn't, so I don't know anything more. I just hope and pray that she gets better. This is way too much for anyone to deal with. God, I hate cancer.

* * * * * * * * * *
While you're here, please visit Erica. She is a mother of two young boys who got into a minor car accident earlier in the year. She was going to physical therapy and was having constant headaches. Her doctors discovered she had cancer at the base of her skull. Soon after, they did surgery on her brain, neck and spine. She still doesn't have feeling on her left side of her body. She is in pain constantly and can't take care of and play with her children like she'd like to. She never complains about anything, but I know it must be so hard. Please pray the cancer is all gone (she has an appt. on Wednesday). Just stop by to give her a few words of encouragement. Have I mentioned I hate cancer?

Also visit JGirl. She lost a son last year at 16 weeks (?). She got pregnant earlier this year and had an early miscarriage. She is pregnant again at just over 11 weeks. She had an emergency u/s today because she was bleeding and they think he has a subchorionic hemorrhage. Please visit her and offer her some supportive words. She could sure use some friends and your prayers right now.

Sometimes when you feel like you have no control, always remember there's still hope. I hope.

Please Help!

Please keep A in your thoughts and prayers. She needs all the support she can get right now.

I wish there was more I could do...

It Must Be The Water

Congratulations Lori, Holly, Heidi, Jenna, Allie and Tiffany on your successful births. I wish you all the best!

Make A Wish

I'm feeling a little better than I was in the last post. I do have to say that I love my aunt and I think she's a big-hearted person. We are just so different in how we do things and I forget that she's not me and I'm not her. My grandma (despite what I feel) is not suffering and if she needs anything they are there to assist her. They wouldn't take care of her the way I would, but she'll be fine. I have to let it go. I can't keep stressing about something I have no control over.

* * *

Several months ago a friend (from a support group) announced to me she was pregnant. While we were having lunch, I commented that I liked her necklace. Well little did I know that she had one for me! The necklace she was wearing was a wishing necklace. You're supposed to make a wish, then put it on. The charm that hangs from the linen/silk thread will fall off after several weeks of wear, then your wish is supposed to come true. She made a wish, then found out she was pregnant. It works right?

I hesitated to put it on right away. I felt like I needed to make my wish "good"- as opposed to a not good wish??? I treated it as if it were my last dying wish and I didn't want to waste it. I didn't want to be selfish or obvious in my wish, so I took time (several more weeks) to really think about it. It had to be perfect. On the day my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I pulled that wishing necklace out of it's shiny pouch and made a wish. I cried a good wet cry and said a prayer and put that necklace on. I don't like things around my neck when I sleep so I opted to put it on my wrist instead. After a couple months, the angel on the faded blue thread around my wrist fell off in the shower. I heard the subtle clink on the tub floor, but I didn't realize what it was. I stepped out of the shower and was drying off, I turned around and saw something tiny and silver next to the drain. It was my angel. And my wish did come true.

The topic of making wishes on inanimate things reminds me of my aunt (a different one than the one discussed in the last post). You know those "getting to know you" emails that everyone forwards to you where you're supposed to answer simple questions about yourself like your lucky number and what color your bedrooms walls are painted... Those annoying things you feel obligated to forward to everyone on your email list. Anyway, one of the questions on the list was "Do you wish upon stars?" My aunt said "no".

Wha??? I understand not buying a piece of jewelry to make a wish upon. But a star? Those are free! Why wouldn't you wish upon a star? I thought everyone did that. You know "Star light, Star bright, First star I see tonight, Wish I may, Wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight" I am in disbelief. Or maybe she is.

Stars, a loose eyelash, a piece of jewelry, birthday candles, a penny in a fountain or a wishing well. What do you wish upon?

A Couple Blogs To Visit

Please take a moment to view these two blogs.

Froggy Baby just welcomed her new love (Connor) into this world. Stop by to say hello and see how cute he is. He has a ton of hair!

Also, I'm concerned about this person. I visit her blog often and frequently leave comments, until now. If you read back a little into her blog, you can start to understand why this concerns me. I don't know what "further repercussions" means and I really don't want to either. Since you can't leave a comment on her blog, just come back here so you can worry along with me...

Hope everyone is having a great weekend- it's beautiful outside!