"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Saturday, September 10, 2011

Hayden's First Few Days



Here I am just 2 days before giving birth to Hayden. I already miss being pregnant. I know that may sound crazy, but I do. This pregnancy was taxing, but I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. Well, obviously, I traded the pregnancy in for the baby, but you know what I mean. I just miss the bond we shared together- his movements, his kicks, the waddling, the cravings :-). I'd much rather have him here than to be pregnant, but I miss that and it was over so quickly. I was just telling my doctor I needed a transition period between being pregnant and bringing him home. It's so different, even though I'm caring for the same child.



Arriving at the hospital at 7am. My doctors office is right across the street behind that sign. It was a privilege parking there.




The c-section went very quickly. We arrived at 7 and got prepped. We were to head back to the OR at 9am, but we were ahead of the schedule by about 30 minutes, so I went back early. I wish I could have slowed everything down, as it just went by so fast. Thinking back now, I wish I could have rubbed my belly one last time too.




My friend Lori was allowed in the OR to photograph his birth. I'm so glad my doctor allowed that because I know I'll treasure those photos forever. So much was going on and it happened so fast I don't remember all of it. I fully expected the procedure to take longer than it did. It seems like I was in there on the table getting prepped then 5 minutes later he was being pulled out of me. I wasn't sure how I'd react, but once I heard his cry it became so real. It's almost like I was still expecting things to go wrong. He was alive and crying and it just seemed so surreal. At this point, I felt like I was dreaming.




At birth, Hayden weighed 6 pounds 11 ounces, but when we left the hospital he was about 6 pounds, 3 ounces. He's been eating well, though breast feeding has been a challenge. Once I started pumping, I started producing more but he refuses my breast. I think it's because eating from the bottle comes much easier and he doesn't have to work for it. He's a lazy (but eager) eater! I'd love to breast feed, but at this point I'm just glad that I'm able to feed him breast milk rather than formula. There's nothing wrong with formula feeding, but they gave him some at the hospital because he was "jittery" and it didn't settle well with his stomach- he spit it up about 4 different times.













Going home- This is when it started to feel real! Watching Mr. H put him into the car seat and load him into our vehicle brought tears to my eyes. Though it's something I always hoped for, I never thought it would happen. It wasn't until the night before that we actually put the carseat into our car. To do it any sooner was almost like a jinx.










But we made it home. Once we got through the doors, I lost it. Our baby was finally home where he belonged. Heck, I'm crying now! It seems like I am crying everyday now. Sometimes for no reason at all, and others because I'm just so grateful and amazed by him. Seriously, I just can't believe where we are today. I thank God everyday for him. He really is a miracle baby. And I have to remind myself of that when I'm completely exhausted at 3 am and have to get up to change his diaper and he poops on me. Totally worth it.










Here is when he met Autumn for the first time. So far she has been wonderful. She is just curious and wants to sniff him. She doesn't appear to be jealous of him- it's almost like she knows how special he is to us and is just as accepting. She even gets up with me at night for feeding and changings. Then we all go back to bed. She's a good hairy big sister.







Just look at that sweet nose and those lips...I am completely and entirely in love. Yes, it's hard and it's an adjustment, but it's all we've ever wanted. I don't know why Sam and Jack were not given the same chance at life, but I know deep in my heart that he was sent to us from them. He's the best of both Mr. H and I and even more perfect than I could have ever imagined.






High blood pressure, protein in my urine, 4 nights stay in the hospital, bloating, discomfort, mood swings, 4-hour glucose tests, Trisomy scares- looking at that face makes all those troubles melt away and nothing else matters.

15 comments:

Raising Snowpeas said...

Congrats Monica. Beautiful baby, beautiful story, beautiful everything! I'm so happy for you and your family.

Hennifer said...

Beautiful! Thank you for taking the time to post.

I won't say much but if you want to breastfeed you make them help you. Hospitals do everything these days to make it seem they are encouraging BFing but fill woman up with so many myths!

Ok, stepping down!

You also look amazing!!!

meemawfish said...

Wow you look so great and he is just beautiful. Mr. H looks so proud of his son and he should be. Wishing lots of love and a good sleeper.

Meemaw

Sophie said...

I can see your heart all over this post and it's beautiful, as is your sweet creation :). I just wanted to say that I read this on my phone because I couldn't wait to get out of bed to my laptop before reading the update! Also, I know what you mean when you say you miss being pregnant. The way I would describe it, I'd say that it's almost a sort of loneliness that only a mom can understand. I missed the kicks too! It's a great bond, but you're right, it gets even better when they're out and you can hold them and smell their baby smell (best smell ever). Sorry for rambling :). I'm just so happy for you!

And no matter what you do feeding-wise, be proud of it! I did both formula and breastmilk the first three months because that's what worked for us. I went thru 3 different pumps, so if you're still trying to find one that works, I'd be happy to give the info on what worked for us :).

Sending over a big hug. Thank you so much for sharing your adventure with us. I love the sincerity and the great photos, your photographer captured everything beautifully!

:)

Anonymous said...

Monica,
This post gave me goosebumps! Really. I can't be happier for you. He is just absolutely precious and beautiful. You and Mr. H have been through so much and to see you both holding and loving on him makes me so happy.
Regarding the breastfeeding. I had a lot of trouble nursing my first son. He would not latch on. It turned out to be that my breast was big and heavy and he was small and couldn't keep it in his mouth. I ended up holding my breast up from underneath while he nursed. It supported my breast and made it easier for him to suck without it falling out of his mouth. As he got bigger, I didn't have to anymore. Not sure if this will help you. I think those of us with *bigger* breasts have a harder time due to the size and weight. My breasts was bigger than his head. Did I just say that? Ugh...
Anyway, it took us 6 weeks to get to the point of him nursing well. It was a struggle, but worth all the aggravation in the end. Also, if he only ends up drinking breast milk from a bottle, oh well. I would love for you to have the nursing experience if you want it though. Hang in there either way.
You look fabulous by the way! Just giving birth and all:)
Katie
my3sons

sapphireblue said...

He's so adorable! Congratulations!

Kristi said...

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story! He is beautiful!

Becky said...

I'm crying big, happy tears for you! I'm glad everything is going well, and I completely know the feeling of taking them home being something you never actually thought you'd do. I'm going to call you soon, but I wanted to give you some time to adjust and I figured you have plenty of company right now :)

You both look absolutely smitten. And about the breastfeeding, it took me a long time to 'give up'
the notion of it going the way I thought it would go. I'm glad that you're doing what is best for you!

AbsoluteMommy said...

I'm so happy for you. Congrats on a beautiful son. Here's to pumping like a champ, no more getting pooped on, and a happy healthy baby (and sleeper). You did it Mom - Enjoy every second!!

Allie said...

I look forward to your updates so much! I read through the entire post with goosebumps. Hayden is just so perfect and precious. You are an amazing mommy and he is just as blessed to have you as you are him. My favorite picture (though I love them all) is the one with Hayden on your chest. He has such adorable little features, especially those lips! and I just love how he is looking up at you, so so sweet. Thanks for posting :)

Rachel said...

Those lips are absolutely precious! I am glad everything is going well for you.

I totally understand the feeling of missing being pregnant!

Don't give up on the breastfeeding if you really want to do it, find a lactation consultant either through the hospital or a support group or check out kellymom.com.

Felicia said...

He is beautiful!! Congratulations,I am so happy for you guys.

Anna said...

Hi Monica,

I came by yesterday, read this, cried till my head hurt and my eyes too blurry to see the screen.

I cannot begin to tell you all the different things that made me so happy to read.

You look great. I hope you're healing very well - it seems that way though. Thank God.

Daddy looks so happy and proud. I know many times they don't wear their hearts on their sleeves like many mommys... but I can only imagine the tremendous sense of relief, pride, everything and then some he must be feeling.

Can't say enough about Autumn resting her nose on baby's beautiful long legs. So precious.

You get the gist. Thanks for sharing such wonderful memories with us.

God Bless,
Anna

Healthy and Homemade said...

Aw Monica this brought tears to my eyes. I am just THRILLED for you and your husband. I'm so happy after you very long journey you finally have what you've wanted all along. He is truly heaven sent and you are so blessed. Your baby is so loved and so lucky to have a mama like you. Congratulations!! God bless!!!! He's beautiful!

christyna said...

Crying for you with you etc. He is so breathtaking and the look on Mr H's face ....amazing.

long story short....NJ hurricane flooded basement (which is where art stuff is....draw conclusion)...not too good BUT it will be done it will be, maybe even worth the wait?? ha ha I suck. Kiss that little adorable handsome baby!!!!