Jack's 5th Birthday

Tuesday the 21st, was Jack's 5th birthday. It's hard to believe it's been so long. This year I actually had to think long and hard about how old he would have been. Five, he would have been 5 years old. Wow. I can't even imagine having a five year old running around here. My mom was talking the other day about having three little boys around the house, but the truth of the matter is, if we hadn't lost Sam, we wouldn't have had Jack. If we hadn't have lost Jack, there wouldn't be a Hayden. It sucks that that's how things have to work out but our journey is what led us to where we are. I often say I wouldn't trade Hayden for anything, and the reality is I had to trade my two first born for him, only I didn't have a say in the matter.

Notice Hayden's outfit? We got that onesie from Target about 3 or 4 years ago and have saved it ever since for a son that would wear it. Jack's birthday was just that occasion. We also bought the same shirt in size 2T for later on :-)

We started the day off by heading to the cemetery to see the boys. I'm ashamed to admit that we haven't been to the cemetery since Sam's birthday in August, before Hayden was born. So this was the first time taking Hayden. We took Autumn as well and she was hovering over his car seat and caught his attention. He looks at her but not usually with that much intrigue. I just thought it was cute.

In the midst of packing up the entire house for an outing, we forgot the cleaning supplies for the headstones. I guess it doesn't really matter though. We took flowers to the boys and sang to Jack while Daddy told Hayden about his older brothers.

It was so different this year than last. Last year, we shared a grocery store cupcake for Jack's birthday. I was pregnant with Hayden but we were still unsure of how things would turn out- there were a lot of tears. This year, we were sad and missed him as we always do, but it just felt different having a live son there at the cemetery with us. Bittersweet is a good word to describe it, I guess. A few years ago, Mr. H bought an extra plot at the cemetery next to Sam and Jack just in case we ever needed it. That makes me sad to think about it, but he did it for me. He knew if we ever lost another I'd want them all together. But I can't help but think that could have potentially belonged to Hayden. I'm so thankful that he's in our arms and not in the ground. I hope and pray to God that that plot is never filled.

Later in the day, we took Hayden for a follow-up appointment for his kidneys. He got an ultrasound of his kidneys and bladder. His right kidney has improved significantly and the left is still enlarged and fluid filled, but it hasn't gotten worse over the past few months. The doctors are concerned about possible infection, but so far so good. He'll have another checkup in May. He was a good little patient.

Afterwards, we stopped by the Ronald McDonald House to visit with Ronald.

Then stopped to smell the flowers (and bees).

In other news, we got Hayden a Bumbo off of Craigslist. I waited to get him one because I wasn't sure if he'd like it, but so far he does. Sometimes when we hold him, we just tries to get away because he wants to do things on his own but he still wants to be near us. We usually keep it on the floor for safety reasons but he sat on the couch with his Poppa the other day and seemed to really enjoy it. He's such a cheeseball. You'll notice he's hanging on to his feet. That's his new thing. He found them a few weeks ago and loves to play with them. He'd rather play with his toes than any other toy. And his new trick is laying on his back, grabbing his feet and rolling on the floor, only he refuses to roll over completely, he just rolls over to his side, shifts positions, then does it again. After a few minutes, he's moved himself over a few feet.

Who needs teethers when you have cold metal coffee table legs? Yes, that's his soother of choice. Doesn't care for nubby teethers, cool gel teethers or frozen wash cloths. That is what he wants and it keeps him entertained because he can see his refelection in the chrome. He's so funny!

Happy Birthday Jack. We love you!