This Day Last Year

ransomizr

Prayer For Jack

January 30, 2007

Dear Jack,

You are truly a blessing. Your father and I have dreamed of you for a very long time. You are a miracle created by God and sent down to us from your older brother- Samuel Andrew. I thank the Lord for you everyday and I pray to be able to hold you in my arms. I pray that you are healthy and safe and content in my belly. I pray to be able to carry you as long as I can. I pray for the thought of you. I pray that we are the best parents you could ever have/we can be. I love you and someday soon we will be together.

Love, Mom
_____________________________________________________

This is the one and only journal entry I was able to bring myself to write in Jack's pregnancy journal. I wrote this prayer to him the night before I had the cerclage placed. I guess I felt I needed to write something in case he or I didn't make it. I needed to put my prayer for him into actual words on paper, so that it was real. It hurt too much to write about anything else. The rest of the journal pages may appear blank, but they're not. They're filled with all my thoughts and love for him.

When I reread these words, I do believe I got what I prayed for. I prayed to be able to hold him in my arms and I did. I prayed that he was healthy and safe and content in my belly and he was. I prayed to be able to carry him for as long as I could and apparently I did. I prayed for the thought of him. He is still with me and I think about him everyday. I prayed to be the best parents that we could possibly be for him and we are. We are the best parents we can possibly be considering we're trying to parent a baby who's not with us. I prayed and I got what I asked for. But *this* is not what I asked for.

I miss you Jack.

My Weekend- Part Deux

My weekend sounded so much better two days ago, now it just seems old and boring, but I'll give it a-go.

Okay, after the visit at the cemetery, we went to my Mom's house and chatted a while. She went with Aaron and I to paint pottery last week, so I took her the piece she painted. She painted a tear drop shaped bowl, with a dragonfly in it. It was really nice. Sorry, but I don't have a picture of it.

Mr. H and I went home and watched K.nocked U.p. I heard good reviews about it and my Mom got it from N.etflix, so I borrowed it from her. It was really funny. I don't think it was an award winning movie, but it made me laugh a few times :-) Have any of you seen this movie? I liked all but one part of the movie- where she is giving birth and you can see the baby crowning. They show her bagina! Okay, I know it's not really HER "v", but it was still a little gross, unexpected for sure and slightly inappropriate. Don't you think?

On to Sunday...I was completely lazy all damn day (which was so nice) until I met so friends at the book store for coffee and gossiping ...err, I mean catching up. It was fun! and so nice to get away from home and out of my jammies. My weekend may not sound that exciting to you, but it felt good to do something together and it was relaxing.

Also, this was not part of my weekend, but the other lady of the 14 month old (LD) emailed to let me know they wanted to hire me as their nanny! Yeah- I'm so excited. I didn't think they would hire me because if the spanish thing, but I'm glad they did. I will start that job February 11th after I return home from seeing my Grandma. I will take care of the 4 kids tonight. I'm a little apprehensive about that one. I don't know how it will be. I only have to really watch them for an hour or so until they go to bed, but I don't know what to do for the other 4+ hours. They don't have cable, and I don't want to access any personal stuff from their computer, so I guess I'll have to take a book. I'm not a reader. Maybe this job will force me to be. Wish me luck!

My Weekend- Part 1

Yay! This is my 100th post- and it's a happy one.

I had a great weekend. The weather was beautiful- 70 degrees, sunny, warm, and partly cloudy. It was a nice change from the cold, humid, rainy-ness we had last week. Today is that way again, but at least there was a break in the weather and we were able to enjoy some outdoor time.

Mr. H and I started out Saturday morning out by going to a Farmer's Market downtown. We walked around for about an hour and a half and got MANY local goodies. I was hoping to fetch up some fresh eggs, but those are usually the first things to go. We did get, fresh honey, granola, lavender biscotti (surprisingly yum!) organic flan, handmade marinated feta cheese and a small block of blueberry Havarti cheese. Haven't tried that one yet, but all the others were great. We got some fresh sausage, HUGE gulf shrimp (that's what we're having for dinner, so stay tuned for the recipe) Oaxacan pork and chicken tamales- these suckers were huge! I like this vendor the best because she carried a pot on her head (Mr. H called her a pothead) and she called me "baby". I liked that. We got there kind of late, so they were out of a lot of vegetables besides tomatoes and I didn't need those. We also got a loaf of wheat bread and a fresh baguette - in which I slathered the marinated feta on. It was a successful trip.

We then went to lunch and visited a small, lonely cemetery in which there were many babies. It wasn't sad, but many of these people dated back to the mid to late 1800's. It just made me wonder if there were still people today that visited them, or even remembered them. That made me sad- being there did not. There was a headstone that said "Father" and had the birth and death dates on it. That's it. Does any one remember who this man is? I just hope that in 100 years, my children are still visited and people are thinking of them. I don't want them forgotten. In front of another headstone were green leaves peeking out of the ground. Even thought we were at a cemetery and all the people were dead with the exception of Mr. H and I, there was new life and it was growing just for that particular person. Someone had planted tulips for this persons spirit to enjoy and it was so touching. I wonder when they were planted. Once you plant tulip bulbs, they come back year after year. Were they planted last year, or 50 years ago? I don't know, but I do know they'll be back next year in memory of that beloved person- and that is a special gift.

To be continued...

A Couple Blogs To Visit

Please take a moment to view these two blogs.

Froggy Baby just welcomed her new love (Connor) into this world. Stop by to say hello and see how cute he is. He has a ton of hair!

Also, I'm concerned about this person. I visit her blog often and frequently leave comments, until now. If you read back a little into her blog, you can start to understand why this concerns me. I don't know what "further repercussions" means and I really don't want to either. Since you can't leave a comment on her blog, just come back here so you can worry along with me...

Hope everyone is having a great weekend- it's beautiful outside!