"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I'm Still Here

Thanks for all the comments regarding the Vlasic pickle bird! They made me laugh, which is really what I needed. :-) So again, thank you.

I meant to update yesterday, but I was so busy. I made an apple pie for Mr. H, went to physical therapy for the upteenth time then came home and made and assembled a tiered birthday cake for LD. His birthday was today and I was up til 3 last night finishing it. Then I had trouble falling asleep.

So here I am. I'd like to say I am well rested, but I am not. LD's birthday party was today. A. asked me to make his birthday cake. I agreed, but she never spoke to me about the details of his party. I honestly didn't even think I was invited. I just thought that the party was this evening, and I was to bring the cake. I was wrong.

His party started at 3 this afternoon and 4 kids and their parents came over, plus 3 other friends of the family. There were about 20 people there. We ate goldfish and animal crackers, hit the pinata, ran after wee ones, cleaned up several spilt drinks, then got to eat the cake I made and opened presents. We were there til after 6. I say "we" because Mr. H showed up for the last hour to offer moral support. I love him. 95% of the time the new baby (His name is M.arco, but I'll call him Polo) was sleeping, so he wasn't really an issue today. But right before we left, A. came over holding Polo and showed him off to Mr. H. "Look Mr. H, have you seen the new baby?" Then we left. Good timing, huh? Walking down the driveway in the dark,I was tempted to break the storks legs. Wouldn't that be funny?

Rewind to Monday: I got upset after seeing that damn bird. I took a few deep breaths and walked through the front door. I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I wanted to turn back around and go home. I was hoping Polo was asleep, because I didn't want to see or hear him coo or cry. I walked straight through their house to their living room, where LD and I play and set my stuff down. I passed their master bedroom where the door was wide open and A. was sitting in the rocker nursing. I didn't make eye contact. Instead I kept going. LD was asleep and the living room was straightened out, so I didn't have anything to do. A. called me into the room to see her new baby. I kept my distance and looked at him. He was tiny and wrinkly. Perfect.

As she sat in her yellow padded rocking chair burping her baby she started to tell me about him. Her lips were moving, but I didn't hear anything. When she was done, I smiled and left the room. I went to the living room and wiped all his toys and books down with Clorox wipes--trying to keep busy. The family went into the dining room adjacent to the living room to eat their lunch. Ma, Pa, GMa, Boy and Baby. One big happy family. I was in the other room chanting to myself "please don't cry, please don't cry..." I was afraid the baby would cry and I would lose it. Instead it had an opposite effect and my eyes started to tear up. I wiped them and moved on.

Shortly after lunch, A. had to take Polo to the Pediatrician, so LD and I went to the park. We stayed there most of the afternoon. On the way there, I called Mr. H and he met us there. I needed a distraction and someone adult to speak to. We had a nice quiet, peaceful time. We took our time walking back to their house and I gave him his afternoon snack, then went home. My day wasn't as rough as I though it was going to be, but it was sad. Today wasn't bad either, we'll see how tomorrow is.

Rachel, thanks for checking up and worrying about me. You're a sweetheart.

I'll leave you with a picture of LD at the park. Happy Birthday Buddy!

12 comments:

wannabe mom said...

holy cow. i don't understand how she can be so clueless. no, you don't want to see the baby. hello??? i'm so sorry you have to endure this.

Erika said...

Okay- you need to quit that job! Yea- like tomorrow! That woman sounds horrid- and it's really not healthy for you to have to be subjected to such torture. She doesn't respect you. There are LOTS of other jobs out there that will be fulfilling- and if you still want to take care of kids, there are other families that have wonderful children and better parents! I understand that you have a bond with LD, but c'mon- you cannot do this to yourself. It's really painful to watch and not healthy. But that's just me- I can't be 25 feet from a newborn without having a vomitous reaction. ;-) Perhaps you are stronger. I would really just quit. No job is worth this. (And granted, I don't know the whole story- so take what I said with a grain of salt-obviously).

Erika said...

And just wanted to add...don't feel bad for a SECOND for putting her in the lurch. Don't you think she'd put herself first in your situation? Do you think she'd take the time to think of your needs before her own? No! Give two weeks and get out of there! She will find someone else, and you'll be FREE!

Travelwahine said...

Monica, I agree with Erika. I know times are hard right now, but you have to take care of yourself first.

Lots of hugs with you. You are very blessed to have your hubby there with you.

(((HUGS))))

Rachel said...

I'm glad to hear you are OK. I can understand how you would be sad, some people are clueless.

niobe said...

It sounds so terribly, terribly sad. I wish there was some way for you to escape this.

The Nanny said...

Oh, Monica...I'm so sorry. I'm glad you got to escape with LD and have a good time with him. I hope those happen more often.

Hugs to you.

Kristi said...

OK I want to see pix of this cake.

Please don't overextend yourself for A. Staying up until 3 for someone's child's cake?? I wouldn't do that unless I owned a bakery.
And she sounds like the type who'll want you to watch LD & the baby so she can have some time to herself.

I'd have to walk away.

LISA said...

SOme people just don't get it. I give you big credit for keeping your cool. I HAVE A GREAT BIG ELECTRIC SAW Would you care to borrow it? I can overnight it. iT SOULD NOT TAKE LONG TO CUT THE LEGS OFF THE PICKLE BIRD.

Lisa

Hennifer said...

I can't know your circumstances specifically of course but I do know how hard it is to have something "thrown" in your face that you want more than anything and you don't/can't have it. I'm amazed that you deal with this on a daily basis. I don't exactly agree that you need to run away just because there is a baby but you definitely want to keep evaluating how you are truly holding up. I hope you come to a peaceful decision either way.

I'm sorry. That stork about made me gag on principle. my computer is having a lot of problems with comments so here's hoping you get this today at least

mrsmuelly said...

Shew (wipe sweat off brow), you made it. You are a strong, strong woman.

theviewfromthisplace said...

she is clueless...like you need the details. you wrote that she was speaking and you were not hearing anything...maybe you were thinking about grabbing the stork and hitting her over the head with it. whops...i think those are just my thoughts...