"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

"Stress Doesn't Make Babies"

So.... this month is a bust conception wise. How do I know that you ask? Well there's been no sex, that's why.

Mr. H and I are fine, that's not why we're not doing it just in case you were wondering.

I started my period on August 2 and ended on the 7th. I should have ovulated anywhere between days 14- and 18. I'm not quite sure when I do, but that's when I get peak readings. That also happens to be the same time of month that I feel like complete shit.

I've been getting really bad headaches that sometimes turn into migraines. Along with them comes nausea and all I want to do is sleep. So needless to say no sex on those nights either. Which is bad because that's when we should be doing it! So frustrating.

Then when we did have sex, I was extremely uncomfortable and in pain. It was normal sex, nothing outrageous (this is so weird to talk about...) but it hurt so we stopped. A couple days later we tried again and finished but still not fun for me. We haven't done it since and that was the 15th and 17th. Mr. H is getting anxious.

I made an appointment last Wednesday to see my Gyno then the very next day I started bleeding unexpectedly. I bled for 5 days like a normal cycle. But this throws me off because I don't know if I was ovulating then, or if I'm supposed to start counting from the first day of bleeding and call it a new cycle???

I went to the doctor on Monday and she did an exam and ordered a pelvic ultrasound. Except I had to go to another place to get the u/s because they were all booked up. I got off work early to go get an ultrasound and they couldn't do it because my bladder wasn't full enough, despite drinking the recommended amount of fluid, and they couldn't see anything.

I went back this morning with an uncomfortable-on-the-verge-of-painfully-full bladder. They did the ultrasound and the whole time the tech kept making faces. I know she was just concentrating but her face had a look of concern on it. I know they can't tell me anything about what they're seeing on the screen, but I asked if everything looked okay and all she said was, "I can't say anything" and that was that. So now I have to wait til Friday morning to get the results.

I'm scared. I convinced myself that I was pregnant and was miscarrying and didn't know it. That could be true if 1). We had sex! and 2). I were actually pregnant. I'm not. They did a test that came back negative. I've also convinced myself that I have lady part cancer. I don't know why, my mind just goes there. Really, what else could go wrong?

And on top of all that (yes, it does get worse) I had an allergic reaction to something of Thursday and started breaking out into hives. I've never had allergies so I don't know what is going on. I've been on meds since then but my skin is still really sensitive. I'm still itchy, my hands and feet are itchy and the slightest little scratch turns into red welts. It's not fun.

So that's what's going on with me. When I went to the Gyno the other day the nurse came in to take my blood pressure. I knew it would be up because I was nervous and had a lot going on in my mind. I told her this and she said,"stress doesn't make babies, you need to relax".

Well if I were already pregnant and my insides weren't hurting and I wasn't breaking out into hives maybe I could relax, you stupid jerk!

15 comments:

Monique said...

Pffft to her. I also have pain w/sex around the time I ovulate. I wonder what that is? I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Mirne said...

Ok, that all sounds like it's very stressful. Really, I'm sure the most stressful thing that nurse has to deal with is broken air conditioning or something! I hope the doc can tell you what's happening with you at your next appointment.

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my3sons said...

Monica,
I am sorry you are having to go through this. Maybe they will call today with some info. I would imagine if they found something like cancer they would have called the Dr. right away and you'd know. I know that you are very stressed, with good reason! It is easy for someone to say to relax. Doesn't work that way!! I hear you on not wanting to have sex even though the days are right. I remember doing it anyway and not always wanting to. It sucks to feel like that when you know that you would need to wait another month. Take care and know we are all thinking of you. Katie

The Nanny said...

Oh girl, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm thinking of you.

christyna said...

HERE'S A LAUGH: Seth Rogan in Knocked up "Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style? Alison Scott: You're not going to fuc...k me like a dog. Ben Stone: It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything. "

Rachel said...

"You stupid jerk" made me laugh, I used to say that to my siblings when we were kids.

Maybe the ovulation monitor is defective. My friend ovulates a day or two after her period ends. My cousin ovulates weird too. She had to go to a fertility specialist to find out when it was happening.

I hope you are able to find some answers, and get the headaches & hives taken care of. Neither one is fun.

Hennifer said...

I am so sorry for all this stress Monica. I hope the news tomorrow sheds some light but is nothing serious.

ugh...

((hugs))

Sophie said...

Gosh, yeah, I'd totally be stressing. Who wouldn't be? That nurse sounds cold. I hope the ultrasound results come back normal. I hope you feel better soon. Hives and test results looming over aren't fun :(... neither are migraines. I don't get them that often, but when I do I take excedrin with caffeine in it because that's the only thing that takes the edge off.

Virginia said...

Youch. Not fun. I do hope tomorrow brings some answers with manageable solutions. Thinking of you.

Reese said...

Crap. I hope everything turns out ok. Please post when you know something. I will be thinking about you!

Kristi said...

Monica,
I'm so sorry that you're being hit with all of this. I hope you find answers soon!

Thinking of you!

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diariesofajadedheart said...

there are just too many 'stupid jurks' out there, right?

I am soooo sorry about all your frustrations. I hear you on thinking the worst. I am the same way. You know a miscarriage would have been my first thought - but it's true you didn't have sex - although it's not unheard of.

When does shit get easy? Seriously.

mrsmuelly said...

Ugghh enough already! I know people mean well, but they are just really dumb sometimes. I hate it when people tell me to "calm down". Don't you think I would if I could...nope I enjoy all this stress, duh!!