"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Burdened

Today has been frustrating to say the least. Not the entire day, just a good portion of it. I didn't post right away, because I thought this post would turn into a total bitch fest and I didn't want that. Don't be disappointed, there's still plenty of bitching going on here, but much less than if I had started writing earlier this evening. I have allowed myself plenty of time to cool off, now here I am.

I have an aunt (who is a few years older than me) who still lives at home with my grandparents. This is her decision and my grandparents don't seem to have a problem with it...so my opinion isn't really necessary here. She now has a new boyfriend and she is completely smitten with him. She has spent most of her adult life single or with men who were not so good for her. Because she found this new guy who she's been dating for a few months, she spends a lot of time with him. I think this is great for her. She needs to move out and get a life of her own (and I said I wouldn't insert my opinion here...ha!).

Anytime anyone has ever hassled her about still living at home, she says she's there to take care of her parents. My grandparents never really needed taking care of, but since my grandma is an emotional wreck, she needs someone there at all times. She may say she can do things by herself, or she wants to be alone, but that only leads to depression and more crying. I (and others in the family) think that she still lives at home, because she has it made in the shade. 95% of her meals are prepared for her by my grandmother, her laundry is done for her by my grandmother. Her sheets are washed for her (until this said boyfriend started spending the night and my grandma finally put her foot down and said she wouldn't do it anymore). The house is cleaned by my grandparents (sometimes she helps out with dusting and dishes but she has to be asked to do it). My brother lives with them too and granted he should probably live on his own too, but at least he pays a huge portion of their bills.

My aunt just quit her job a couple weeks ago. She was unhappy and her working situation was less than ideal. So she quit. This seemed to have happened at just the right time since Grandma was going to need help with cooking, cleaning and other stuff around the house. She even said that now she would have more time to be with her mom. Well the entire time we were there to visit her, she never lifted a finger to help out my Grandma. And when we asked her to, she said she'd have plenty of time to do all those things after we left. We left on Sunday and it's now Thursday. She spent the last 2 days with her boyfriend. Which means, she took care of Grandma for 2 days, then took 2 days off. WTF?

She called me today while I was working and asked me to call Grandma because she was upset and couldn't find any clothes that didn't make her look flat. I would love to help her, but I am 9 hours away. What am I going to do from here? And why isn't she there with her to help her with these things? She said she was on a job interview and was working on her resume. That's great, but I thought she was there to take care of her parents. Apparently not. I couldn't get a hold of anyone to call my Grandmother, so I called my Mom. My Mom is a hard ass and she can be rude at times (most of the time), but her intentions are usually good. She texted my aunt and said this "Why are you in "A" when Mom needs you at home? Is your boyfriend or your alleged job hunting more important? I think you need to rethink your priorities" She (my aunt) responded by saying "For your information I'm about to go into a job interview. Mom is my priority unlike everyone who left" I don't care if they want to exchange words between them, but I don't understand why she had to drag us all in it. Why did she have to imply that we didn't care and Grandma wasn't our priority because we had to go back to our homes and our jobs and our families? That pisses me off. My Grandpa asked her to not look for a job so soon because he needed help at home. I guess she realized she would actually have to "care" for someone other than herself and she'd rather work instead.

I called my Grandma when I got off work and she was upset. Not because she couldn't find anything to wear for her upcoming appointment, but because we were all ganging up on my aunt. We were being hateful and rude and my aunt didn't deserve that. According to my Grandma my aunt does a lot for her. And I'm sure she does a lot of things for my Grandma when we're not there, but she shouldn't be doing laundry and cooking and emptying out her own grenade by herself. She needs help damn it and the person who should be stepping up isn't. Before I left, I gave my aunt a hug and said "Take care of her." Her response without hesitation was "I don't have a choice."

I could go on and on and on about this aunt's attitude and the bad taste she left in my mouth, but I won't. I just feel sad because I feel like my Grandma is the one getting gipped.

5 comments:

wannabe mom said...

awww. that sounds truly sucky. it is hard to be so far away and feeling helpless. it is unfair of your aunt to make you guys feel bad. she might feel like she doesn't have a choice, but she should have started becoming a productive member of society long ago. does your grandma's insurance provide for a home nurse visit for a few hours a day?

Monica H said...

They gave us the option of sending her home with a home health nurse. We turned it down because they said in that time the nurse was there (10 days) my Grandma would not be able to leave the house whatsoever. She didn't like that idea. And besides there were 11 people in a 1200 sq ft. house. There wasn't any room for a nurse. And we all agreed that with that many of us there, someone could help her out. I figured after we left one of the 2 people still left in the house would step up and she wouldn't have to be doing everything by herself (as ususal). I was proved wrong.

The Nanny said...

That's a seriously sucky situation. I'm so sorry...for you and for your grandmother especially.

Rachel said...

Sounds like a mess! Your aunt needs to grow up but it sounds like she doesn't really need to.

I like the new picture on your sidebar!

JGirl2005 said...

Your aunt sounds like a winner. She needs to grow up and move out. You are right to be upset.
There will always be people who take advantage of elderly people. My cousins don't live w/my grandma, but they constantly asked her for money for college - for like 15 years now.