Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Return

Hi Everyone,

I was on a little blogging break over the last week because of some family drama. My aunt read what I wrote in the last two posts and was pissed at me for writing about her. I don't actually know if she was pissed because I wrote about her or because she didn't like what she read. She's still avoiding me- along with other family members. Either way, I'll write more about that tomorrow.

I've had a hard time deciding whether I wanted to go private or start a new fairly anonymous blog. The problem is I don't want my story --Sam and Jack's story-- to be private. I want people to be able to read about them, to know they're not alone. Though I feel hopeless at times, despite the name of this title, I feel that my story, in some way, can offer hope to someone else.

Obviously, this blog is found through Google, because that's how my aunt found me. But that's also how other people find me and come to read. They're seeking something. And at the risk of sounding proud, I think those people can benefit from my story in the archives. But if I stay public and write elsewhere, that means my family can find and read it. I don't want them reading about my fights with my in-laws, problems with Mr. H, or trips to the OB and the dildocam. If I wanted to know those things I would have shared with them. If I continue to write on this site publicly, my family will know my business from the past and the future.

If I were to start a new blog, I'd feel like I was abandoning this one: abandoning Sam and Jack. I'm afraid of being found, of being judged. Again.

Anyway, thank you for reading and for emailing and asking about me. Your thoughts mean a lot to me. If you have any suggestions on what I should do, please leave them in the comment section or email me. Also, Google Reader doesn't work with Private blogs. It doesn't show you when I post or not. So if you'd like me to email you letting you know when I've updated, then let me know. I don't want to send out any unnecessary emails if you don't want them.

Thanks for standing by and supporting me without judgement. That's what we live for isn't it?


Seraphim said...

Oh hon, what a lot to deal with! As you say, your blog helps others but at the same time family can make it "a challenge."
Keep writing though, cos I am reading. Lots of love xxxx

my3sons said...

Your Back! I think you made the right choice. You need a place to say what you feel (and about who) without worrying about who might find it. Glad your back! Katie

meg said...

I went through a lot of the same worries about private vs public. Glad you're here and in a safe place.


Rachel said...

I would like an e-mail about new posts.

You didn't post anything about your aunt that should have offended her. It may have surprised her, because I am guessing much like me, you don't tell people what you are really feeling.

On Wordpress you can protect individual posts and it is set up so that they will move all of your old posts. The problem is that only 3 GB of picture space is free. Since you have lots of pictures, you would eat that up quickly. It is $20 a year for the next level, but I don't know how much space that is.

I hope things patch up with your family.

Kristi said...

I'm glad you're back. I enjoy reading your blog. I'm sorry that your aunt & other relatives are using it against you.

I hope you found a balance with public vs. private.

Becky said...

I could have written your exact post. Your fears are exactly those of mine.

I'm glad that your back and I'm glad that I have an invite!

I've missed you : )

Lots of love to you!

tyfamilyadventures said...

glad you are back...if you feel like emailing me that works...hope everything works out..take care

The Nanny said...

I'd love an e-mail when you update.

As for the blog situation, what about this: keep this blog for Sam and Jack so that they have their own special place. You can update here whenever you want to. But what about creating a new blog for everything else--stuff about your family, you, Autumn and August, etc.?

Good luck and hugs!

Reese said...

I am of the opinion that everyone who reads my blog who happens to stumble across it and have issues with it can pretty much kiss my ass. When I started this thing, I made it a point that it was MY BLOG and about MY LIFE, and if people don't like it, screw them. I don't apologize for my feelings--they are raw and real.

If your aunt went a snoopin' and doesn't like what she found, she shouldn't have gone snoopin'.

I know, I know, you still need to deal with her hurt feelings, but seriously, you didn't write anything obscenely harsh. She needs to get out of the world revolving around her mentality. This site is for you and your boys. Period.

Hennifer said...

I take the same philosophy as Reese but understand that doesn't make the face to face family politics very easy.

I'm glad you are back. I don't really have any suggestions though. I don't need any update emails. I don't use a reader but I do go through my same "staple" blogs almost daily and you are one (both your sites)

mkv said...

SO glad you are back. I was just about to email you! xoxo

Missing said...

just sucks. I totally get the dilemna

wannabe mom said...

she shouldn't have gone through your computer. Not nice. My blog isn't private and sadly I censor myself for that reason, only letting it all out when it comes to my feelings about the girls.
I hope things patch up with your aunt, though it seems that she likes to be the center of attention.