"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Back and Forth



I think I go through different stages in my grief. As we all do. In this case I'm referring to finding out about someone's new pregnancy or baby. Believe me I'm thrilled for you (whoever you are) but it's like a punch in the gut for me.

At first it used to be really hard and I would cry over their great news. Then I got to the point where I could handle it and was hopeful for them and their news made me smile and I processed it well. I'm back to the point where hearing or reading about such news causes me much anxiety. I'm mean like serious, butterflies in my tummy, raised blood pressure and on the verge on a panic attack anxiety.

If I fail to congratulate you or comment on your blog or slap a smile on my face I'm truly sorry. I AM happy for you. I am. I wish you all the best. But just thinking about it makes my stomach churn (as it is right now!). Things will change again in the future but as of right now I just can't deal with it. Forgive me.

14 comments:

froggy mommy said...

I've been there, we probably all have. Big hugs and lots of prayers.

The Blue Sparrow said...

Me too. Im still there. *HUGS*

Kristi said...

I get it. I get a little jealous when a friend announces they are pregnant, because I just know they will get to bring home their baby.

I don't always congratulate them either, unless it's face-to-face and I feel like I have to say something.

Rachel said...

I haven't forgotten what it feels like to be where you are. I still hate pregnancy announcements, unless I know it's someone who gets it.

Lori said...

Been there, too. What upsets me the most is when people say "Oh, I'm in my 2nd trimester so everything will be fine now". Ummmm, not necessarily. Don't take any pregnancy for granted. Drives me batty.

Andrea said...

*HUGS* It's just all so complicated. And, we cope the best way we can.

The Duchess of Wessex said...

You need no forgiveness for how you feel, Monica. It's okay. Really it is.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, it is tough...more than most people will ever realize. It can be so devastating to keep hearing about other people's pregnancies when you have been trying for so long.

Since my son died, I know some women who are on their second pregnancy in that time....like 16 months....so yeah, I get it.

Stacey

JGirl2005 said...

So sorry, Monica! I hate the pain of trying so hard for a baby and not being successful! I'm thinking of you and hoping you get your miracle soon!

Raquel said...

I have lost 2 babies and I used to cry everytime somebody would tell me they pregnant...including my sister...I finally got my mircle, she was a twin, but the other baby died at 5 months pregnant...You keep having faith and it will happen for you!!!

jaded said...

I get it and i'll always be here. Greif is not a linear process - there are many moments where what was ok yesterday is unbearable today.

hugs

Ingrid said...

Oh, Monica! I so wish there was something I could do to ease things for you. I hope you know that you are in my prayers.
~ingrid

Sophie A. said...

This is completely human/natural, you have no need to apologize. You're a great blogging buddy :), hang in there.

oneordinaryday said...

I remember too. It was especially bittersweet when my younger sister got pregnant the first time. Keeping you in my prayers, Monica.