"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Friday, September 5, 2008

Gray

I attempted to sit down and write a post, but I wound up changing a few things on this blog instead. The major thing being the header.

It just felt too cheery-- too optimistic. I liked the picture and what it stood for, but I felt the bright colors were almost a slap in the face. I don't know how to explain it...but this new look matches my mood, my insides.

This is a piece of deadbaby jewelry that I wear everyday- a hammered heart, with a smaller heart carved out of it. I wear one for each of my boys.

Here is a more detailed picture (actually, this is the picture I wanted to use as the header, but it was way too big- I sort of like the subtle-ness of the other better):

12 comments:

theviewfromthisplace said...

Veeeerrrry nice header, exceptionally fitting as well. There was another blogger that had once kept her blog very dark until she had a baby that lived. So i totally get it, I guess i'm doing the same thing do in a sense. I think her new blog is: The Lord Has Promised Good To Me. Yeah, that's it.

Monica H said...

View- I know exactly who you're taking about- I read her blog. She kept her blog dark until she had a baby, and I get that ...

but for me it's about needing a change. It may not stay this way forever, but the other look didn't make me feel "hopeful"- in the beginning it did, but then it started to depress me. I felt like I was portraying a false sense of hope.

Becky said...

Beautiful jewlery. Absolutely perfect.

I'm going to call you this weekend...Sunday, does that work for you? I can't thank you enough for the beautiful card.

The Nanny said...

It's beautiful. All of it. And so sad.

Kristi said...

You know I have the same jewelry for Sara. I wore it to her memorial service. I remember telling a friend the jewelry was appropriate because I had a hole in my heart. She replied, " I see it as Sara's heart is always in your heart."

Just a matter of perspective...

Monica H said...

Becky- yes you can call me anytime, I'll email you.

Kristi- I see it both ways. I don't usually explain the significance of the heart when people comment on it, but to me it means two things- 1) They (the smaller hearts)are always in my heart and 2) there's a piece of my heart missing- incomplete.

tyfamilyadventures said...

I love the jewelry and like the new header.Just know that you are always in my thoughts.

mrsmuelly said...

I like the new look. I'm sorry that your insides aren't all bright...but I understand.
And the jewelry is perfect, especially considering your explanation of it - the boys are always in your heart and a piece is always missing. I "heart" it.

Amanda said...

I too understand how you feel. I felt the same when I choose black for the back. I feel very dark, I even find myself wearing a lot of black. Avoiding some of my brighter clothes on "bad" days. I love your hearts that you wear. My quote on Myspace is " I will always have pieces of my heart missing". ((((HUGS)))) to you!

Sarah said...

Hey, I've been out of touch for way too long. I'm sorry you are feeling gray, but I completely understand.

Your mementos of your boys are beautiful. You have honored them so well Monica. It may not provide you much sollace, but I'm in awe of you and how you have been such a supportive and nurturing mom to your boys.

Brighter days are ahead. I promise.

christyna said...

i like it, I wish that you weren't feeling this way so much but a fitting scheme is much better than one that doesn't fit. I can't imagine having a hole in my heart let alone two the way you do. You do so well, even when you don't think you do. You reach out and touch me even when you're falling apart. That is a true heart, a true friend and a person with much love to give and compassion for people. I too am in awe of you constantly. Thank you for the card, and you're continued support amd everything else, not a day goes by that you don't bring a smile to my face one way or another.

Lori said...

I LOVE the picture. Wish I had thought of it *sigh*. I think our jewelry hearts represent how our real hearts feel without having to put it in words which is sometimes difficult.
I hope and pray that there are brighter days ahead for you!