"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Monday, September 8, 2008

Little Ivory Envelope

I watched LD today, as I do every Monday.

It was a typical day. Nothing out of the ordinary.

During snack time, I went to the cabinet to get a straw for his smoothie. On the counter I saw an ivory envelope with gold calligraphy scribbled all over it. I was intrigued. I wanted to open it. I'm nosey, can you tell? They have friends all over the world, so I'm always curious to see where there headed for vacation or a wedding. So I did sneak a little peak at it, and immediately realized it was for a baby shower. I didn't recognize the sender (not that I would, I don't know their friends) so I set it back down and walked away.

And forgot about it.

I got home and Mr. H was going through the mail. He loves checking the mail. Actually he likes checking the mail when there's good stuff in it, like catalogs and magazines. He pointed to an ivory envelope on the coffee table and said "You might not want to open that".

Of course, if you tell me not to do something...then I want to do it even more. And I love all envelopes other then the typical long bill-filled white ones, because it's usually a card or invitation and I love getting mail! I picked up the mail and thought "hmm, that's weird, it's from the same person as the envelope at LD's" Then I thought "Do I know anyone that she knows?" Still I didn't get it until I opened the envelope and saw the same damn "B.A.B.Y" invite that I saw earlier in the day.

Duh, It was for her baby shower. And I am invited. How sweet.

I started to think about baby showers and the last one I had attended. It was when I was still pregnant with Sam...then a week and a half later he died. I have absolutely NO DESIRE to attend her baby shower. Other peoples' showers, maybe. But not hers.

How do I politely decline? I would normally avoid her or pretend to have not received it, but I see her 3-4 times a week. I can't avoid her. I know she'll ask me about it. What do I say- "I'm not going to your stinkin' shower" ???

14 comments:

Rachel said...

You have other plans that day. She doesn't have to know what the plans are, maybe to go to dinner, get a massage, or to go visit your boys.

I'm sorry.

The Nanny said...

Yeah, I was going to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I have a previous engagement!" or something to that effect.

No fun, chickadee. I'm sorry.

Holkyle said...

Yes....always use the "we are headed out of town that weekend" or "we have other plans already" excuse. And just drop her a gift at her house one day when you are there.
You are not obligated. I remember that feeling. Don't feel guilty. You are honoring your feelings.

theviewfromthisplace said...

why not just be honest? i don't lie to anyone anymore, i'm just blunt (polite & sensitive but still blunt).
i've been through too much hell (as you have) to be making excuses for my pain. if i emotionally can't, i can't. but still get a gift!
let us know!

Kristi said...

I agree - she knows about Sam & Jack, just tell her that you aren't comfortable at baby showers.
Get a gift. If it's easier, get a gift that's geared towards the mother, not the baby or something general like a simple picture frame or album or gift card, so you don't have to even go into the baby clothes section.

Take care of yourself!

Becky said...

I agree. Baby showers are way to much for me...even my own...but that's for another day.

If you are close enough to her, tell her polietly that it was nice to be invited, but that baby showers are very difficult for you. If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up, tell her that you have plans : )

I go between the two depending on the person and situation...

No one wants a downer like me at their baby shower so they understand.

Amy B said...

if you aren't comfortable telling the truth, mainly because she probably wouldn't understand, then just tell you you have a previous engagement. when i was going through my infertility, i declined a baby shower invitation and explained why it was too hard for me to attend and the mother didn't get it. it's so hard....

on another note, did you get the email i sent back on the 27th?

Monica said...

You have other plans with me. Let's go have drinks. Oh wait, you don't really get drunk. Well someone will have to drive me home.

Or we could go to the outlet malls instead. Whatever. You, me, and no baby showers.

ps. thanks for the rose. I need to get off my arse and update my blog.

PS.. Sam opened the envelope addressed to you or was it addressed to both of you?

mrsmuelly said...

Be honest about your feelings or make some plans so that you can be honest with the "I have plans." reply. Most of my friends would appreciate the truth about feelings. Maybe she sent the invite b/c she wanted you to know that she valued your friendship, but she will understand about you not coming? I just ask my friends to warn me before sending any baby related paraphernalia. Maybe you can slip that into the conversation as well? Heck, you can come visit me if you want!

Monica H said...

Kristi- you're right, she does know about Sam and Jack. But I asked off for Sam's birthday (that Friday) and I even wrote her a note stating why I needed off. And she had the gall to ask me to come in that Friday because she didn't know what she was going to do without me since her husband had to work that day.

So even though she knew it was his birthday she didn't care. i don't think she'll care what my reasons for not going to her shower. I don't think she'll be overly upset, but she won't get it.

Amy B- I didn't get any emails from you other than the first one you sent me.

Monica- Yes he opens my mail. Actually he opens all the mail, but he doens't read my stuff. He peeked (as I did) and saw it was baby related and that's why he warned me.

Who wants to go out with me that day? October 4th from 4-8??? Who has a shower on a Saturday from 4-8pm anyway?

Travelwahine said...

I agree, weird hours for a baby shower. People just don't get it. If you're like me, I'm not very confrontational. I need to be, though.

Whatever you decide, you have my 100% support. It's a situation none of us like to be in. But, more often than not, we're right there.

missing_one said...

I always cop out and say, "oh, bummer, I had already made plans that day and it was made a month ago" (sometimes I even come up with plans)

Lori said...

I'll be your scape goat. Let's go to the movies or something! Or, we can both drive Monica home! LOL

KMW said...

you don't need to go. sounds like she won't care or get it, so take care of yourself. It sounds like she does!!