Little Ivory Envelope

I watched LD today, as I do every Monday.

It was a typical day. Nothing out of the ordinary.

During snack time, I went to the cabinet to get a straw for his smoothie. On the counter I saw an ivory envelope with gold calligraphy scribbled all over it. I was intrigued. I wanted to open it. I'm nosey, can you tell? They have friends all over the world, so I'm always curious to see where there headed for vacation or a wedding. So I did sneak a little peak at it, and immediately realized it was for a baby shower. I didn't recognize the sender (not that I would, I don't know their friends) so I set it back down and walked away.

And forgot about it.

I got home and Mr. H was going through the mail. He loves checking the mail. Actually he likes checking the mail when there's good stuff in it, like catalogs and magazines. He pointed to an ivory envelope on the coffee table and said "You might not want to open that".

Of course, if you tell me not to do something...then I want to do it even more. And I love all envelopes other then the typical long bill-filled white ones, because it's usually a card or invitation and I love getting mail! I picked up the mail and thought "hmm, that's weird, it's from the same person as the envelope at LD's" Then I thought "Do I know anyone that she knows?" Still I didn't get it until I opened the envelope and saw the same damn "B.A.B.Y" invite that I saw earlier in the day.

Duh, It was for her baby shower. And I am invited. How sweet.

I started to think about baby showers and the last one I had attended. It was when I was still pregnant with Sam...then a week and a half later he died. I have absolutely NO DESIRE to attend her baby shower. Other peoples' showers, maybe. But not hers.

How do I politely decline? I would normally avoid her or pretend to have not received it, but I see her 3-4 times a week. I can't avoid her. I know she'll ask me about it. What do I say- "I'm not going to your stinkin' shower" ???

Stop And Smell The Pink Roses

“Give the Pink Rose Award to those who inspire you or need to be inspired, to those who have encouraged you or those who need encouragement.”

The Pink Rose Award was given to me by Jaded Me at A.View.From.This.Place. Thank you for thinking of and honoring me and my boys. It means so much.

The one requirement was to give this to someone deserving, so I give this pink rose to you all. You all in some way or another have inspired, encouraged, and supported me. So thank you.

For Monica, Kristi and Lori because you have become such great supportive friends. Monica, you visit the boys and honor them and you encourage me through rough times (usually over lunch :-). Kristi, you remember me even though we no longer live in the same city. You call me and send me sweet little goodies to brighten my day and I appreciate it. Lori, for opening up and sharing and for letting me talk about myself. Sometimes we just need a friend to listen.

For Chrystina, because you always know just what to say and to make me feel better. For Erica, because despite having brain surgery you are so selfless and you pray for others rather than asking for people to pray for you (but I do, btw). Thank you for supporting me in spite of all the other crap you have to deal with in your own lives.

For Becky, Mrs. Muelly, JadedMe, Sam and Meg because despite your own devastating losses, you still support and encourage others who are in the "club". Becky, you give me hope. Mrs. M, you are an inspiration. J, you are true to yourself, and inspire me to be the same way. Even though you have given this award to me, I give it back to you! Sam, you're hopefully optimistic and it's contagious. Meg, you amaze me and keep me going.

For Antigone, Niobe, Reese, JGirl, Coggy, and Basil Bean because you are all expecting a baby. You encourage others through your stories and you give others who would normally feel hopeless, a little glimmer of hope. You may not always feel it, but you're all strong women and it's inspiring.

For Ms. G, Virginia, Sarah, MKV, Holly, Rachel, Heidi, Amy B, Wannabe Mom and Froggy Mom because you offer support to me and other deadbaby mamas after your losses and through the births of your new babies. Your stories, lives and babies encourage us to keep going. You are our future.

And for Nanny, because even though you have never been pregnant or had a loss, you read our blogs and offer encouragement to all of us who have. You read because you "don't want to take anything for granted" because you know these things could happen to you. That's admirable but I hope and pray they don't.

I honor and thank you for being my virtual friends. I'd be lost without you.

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1. On your blog, copy and paste the award, these rules, a link back to the person who selected you, and a link to this post: http://smartone.typepad.com/smartone/2008/05/pink-is-my-favo.html. You will find the story behind the Pink Rose Award and other graphics to choose from there.

2. Select as many award recipients as you would like, link to their blogs (if they have one), and explain why you have chosen them.

3. Let them know that you have selected them for an award by commenting on one of their posts.

4. If you are selected, pass it on by giving the Pink Rose Award to others.

5. If you find that someone you want to nominate has already been selected by someone else, you can still honor them by posting a comment on their award post stating your reasons for wishing to grant them the award.

6. You do not have to wait until someone nominates you to nominate someone else.

Gray

I attempted to sit down and write a post, but I wound up changing a few things on this blog instead. The major thing being the header.

It just felt too cheery-- too optimistic. I liked the picture and what it stood for, but I felt the bright colors were almost a slap in the face. I don't know how to explain it...but this new look matches my mood, my insides.

This is a piece of deadbaby jewelry that I wear everyday- a hammered heart, with a smaller heart carved out of it. I wear one for each of my boys.

Here is a more detailed picture (actually, this is the picture I wanted to use as the header, but it was way too big- I sort of like the subtle-ness of the other better):

Wordless Wednesday- Bunny Wabbit

This little guy (about a week old) was found by our back porch nestled in the grass. I couldn't decide which one was cuter- so you get them all!

That's Love

Me: Hey Aaron, Do you love me?

Aaron: (nods his head)

Me: How much?

Aaron: Let's just say I'd have my toe nail ripped off for you.

Now that's love!