"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Friday, May 16, 2008

UGLY

That's what I whisper under my breath to the ultrasound picture hanging on the fridge every time I open the door to get LD a snack.


And that makes me just as ugly.
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I am admitting this to you all this because I told the support group members this (last night) and they all gasped. Now I feel rotten.

11 comments:

tyfamilyadventures said...

I THINK IT WOULD PUT YOU IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION RIGHT NOW.I CAN'T IMAGINE EVERYTHING YOU ARE FEELING,BUT I AM PRETTY SURE IT IS NORMAL.TRY NOT TO BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.TAKE CARE AND I WILL CONTINUE TO KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS...

Rachel said...

Monica, don't feel bad about it. Given your experiences with pregnancy, I am surprised you are even able to work for that family.

Could you turn the picture over while you are there? At least that way it isn't staring you in the face.

Beth said...

YOu have every right to feel that way! Do not feel bad for that...She isn't exactly the most understanding of your situation... I prolly would have said a lot worse!

Becky said...

You have absolutely every right to feel this way. I can't believe the support group gasped...they act like THEY have never thought like that.

It's a completely normal reaction to the situation coming where you are coming from. I still secretly have a hope that people will loose their babies too...not that I really want it to happen, I just want them to know how much it hurts and how it changes your life permanently. Especially when I see people who don't appreciate their unborn baby or the children that they have. I group people into 2 catagories: those who tollerate their children and those who would live and die for them. It's a harsh judgement, but what can I say? Not to say that she doesn't appreciate her children...but you know...

(((hugs)))

I hope that things get better over time for us all.

Monica H said...

Thanks guys. I feel better about it today. Mr. H says I shouldn't feel rotten about it. He says no other babies compare to our own so I should feel badly- because I'm right! He's so great.

I know THEY probably have thought about it, but maybe they've never admitted it aloud so I'm the bad one- whatever! At least I did admit it.

BasilBean said...

It seems to me that it would be extremely difficult to have an ultrasound picture staring you in the face throughout the day. I don't think you are ugly, just hurting.

I think it is important that you are able to say the hard things, even if the response isn't what you would hope for.

It's hard to know what was really going on inside of their heads...perhaps what you said resonated so strongly with some of them that that is what caused their silence.

At any rate, the point is to support each other, and that can only really happen when you are able to be open and honest.

Virginia said...

I think you're normal; you have been through so much I can't even imagine how you can even work for them. I know I couldn't.

You are entitled to your thoughts, your anger, your hurt. Don't forget that.

Coggy said...

I say stuff like this all the time. I guess I don't really mean it but I have the need or urge to say horrible stuff because I'm hurt that my little boy isn't here.

I can't believe your support group gasped, like they haven't thought things like this ever. People in glass houses really shouldn't throw stones.

You are not a bad person for thinking these things.

Monica said...

Sorry, I was one of those that gasped. But it isn't any worse than what I say.. I mean think when I saw other women with babies, "my baby is better than yours, he just didn't live". Don't feel awful, I can't imagine how you do it, and I'm sure I'd do or say worse.

Kristi said...

I'm sure we've all had similar thoughts, maybe the fact that you shared that thought with the group shocked them.

I would have a hard time working for this family while she's pregnant & then with the newborn.

Anonymous said...

i'm glad you go to support group to share your feelings.
i'd be worried for you if you didn't have an outlet to share your thoughts...