"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Mother's Day Weekend

Mother's Day was quiet and didn't focus on "mother's" specifically, but on family and being together. It was nice.

We went to the nursing home to see Mr. H's grandma for her 93rd birthday. We surprised her with a balloon, new pajamas and muffin cupcakes with weird frosting and blue sparkly sugar. They looked cute, but the flavor was questionable. Mrs. H gave it good effort though. She wasn't completely coherent while we were there, but she did recognize us and enjoyed us being there. We sang to her and ate "cupcakes", then she fell back to sleep :-)

It was also Aaron's 13th birthday, so we spent the evening at my mom's house. He requested crab legs and cheddar bay biscuits from R.ed L.obster for dinner, and he had 2 birthday cakes! My mom made a tres leches cake with strawberries and I made a fruit pizza/tart that he also put in a request for. He had "the best birthday ever", he said. I gave a gift to my mom for Mother's Day then we watched The G.olden C.ompass and ate dessert til midnight.

On Sunday we went over to my in-laws for brunch (which turned into a late lunch/early dinner). It was nice because she did most of the cooking, then when we got there we made homemade waffles and peach blinis together, while taking time out to feed the dogs sausage and bacon, of course! It turned into more of a family gathering rather than just focusing on Mr. H's mom- which I thought was rather considerate. I know she tries her best to make things "easier" for me and includes me in everything so I don't feel left out- especially on days like this.

Later in the evening we stopped by the cemetery to see the boys. We took them little blue and red race cars that I got for them at Christmas (and just never took out to them). While we were there, a mom was visiting her son E. I have seen her before and I have spoken to her, but she has never spoken about her son until Sunday. She sat on a 101 D.almations blanket in front of his headstone and looked through a photo album as she read a poem left by another mother. E was 11 months old when he passed away from pneumonia, after being sick with an undiagnosed disease most of his life. She let me look through the album, as she told me his story, then we cried together while Mr. H was cleaning off the boys headstones.

She mentioned the disease, but I can't remember what is was called- although I think it started with a C. But she also said it was hereditary. I asked her if the disease could be transferred to any further children and she said her chances were 1 in 4 of having another child with this condition. But she is no longer with E's father. This is when I started to feel really badly for her.

I can't imagine being a single deadbaby mom. I can't imagine not having a partner to share my grief with. I know she's not the only single deadbaby momma out there, but my heart really aches for her. She had a relationship with her living son for 11 months, then he died. And she and her husband got a divorce. I don't know if he ever visits his son, or if he thinks of him, or where he is. But I know how damn difficult it is to live every day knowing your children are dead and never coming back. It's hard enough going through this with the support of a spouse, but I just can't imagine doing it alone. I hope and pray she has a great support system in her family or friends. It's been 3 years for her but it never gets any easier.

* * * * *
In other news, I went to the doctor today for lab work. I just have to wait and see what they come up with. I don't know how long that will be though. I'm hoping to know something by this weekend. They'll probably send me another one of these.

And I have a story to tell you about my sister and her dumb ass friend, but that'll have to wait til tomorrow because it's now really late and I'm going to bed.

9 comments:

The Nanny said...

What you guys did for Mr. H's grandma sounds really, really sweet. Even though they may have tasted questionable, the cupcakes looked so yummy! And Aaron's cakes--no fair, girl! I'm all hungry for sweets now at 7:06 a.m.

(On a side note--how was the Golden Compas?)

My heart breaks for the single mom without her boy. My heart also breaks for you, but I am glad you have the support of Mr. H.

The Nanny said...

*Compass. I can't spell.

Rachel said...

Happy Birthday Aaron and Mrs. H's grandma.

I am glad Mr. H's family recognized you, they sound like good people.

ms. G said...

It actually sounds like you had a fairly lovely and peaceful Mothers day, except for one thing, of course.

Aaron is so lucky! 2 cakes!!

Your story about the other mom made me so sad. What a difficult 3years she has experienced. I can't imagine going through a divorce while grieving.

tyfamilyadventures said...

IT SOUNDS LIKE A NICE WEEKEND.I AM GLAD YOU HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM THAT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE.TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.AS ALWAYS MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.

wannabe mom said...

Sounds like you had a really nice Mom's Day. All those desserts make my mouth water. Your families sound like wonderful people.

I met someone from my support group who lost her baby at 22 weeks, and she had an off & on relationship with the father (she didn't say it but he was probably relieved that he didn't have to have that responsibility of raising the child/paying support if any). I felt really bad for her to have to go through it alone. It's hard enough to grieve at all.

Monica H said...

The Golden Compass Review (according to Aaron):

"It was alright, but it had the suckiest ending ever...like seriously!"

From a 1 to a 5 (five being fantastic, 1 being sucky) how would you rate this movie?

"ugh, about a 2"

GC review according to Mr. H:

"eh" (I agree.)

mrsmuelly said...

How great that the day was family focused. That was really considerate of your MIL. I made an effort to tell everyone I talked to Happy Mother's day on Sunday, but only my mom, MIL, and DH told it to me! People just don't know what to say, so I forgive them...for now.

As for your "normal" note...wow! I've never seen such a thing from a lab. That just plain sucks. I hope this time they find something different - something fixable so that you can keep going. We all just need something to cling to so that we can keep going. If it makes you feel better - I don't think you're normal...at least, not any more normal than me!

Antigone said...

I got really hungry about halfway through your post. And Peach Bellini's? OMG that sound's delish.

Compass was a better book than movie.

What a loving family you both have. So lucky to have so much support and warmth.