300th Post & A Give-Away!

ETA: The jewelery is packed up and on it's way! Rachel, Erica, Jaded, Katie and Lori, I hope you like your new jewelery. Lori, I'll give you yours when I see you. Katie, I still need your address.

This is my 300th post! I thought that that would be some kind of magnificent feat, but it just feels like, well, the 300th post. A no biggy for me, but you get something out of it!

On to the give-away! I was in a pre-spring semi-cleaning kind of mood today and I cleaned out my jewelery box. It was really, the only thing I cleaned out today, so don't be envious of my not-so-clean house :-)

I came across some jewelery that I no longer wear, have never worn or never plan to wear and I decided to give it to you! In fact the only thing I have worn in this group are 3 of the 4 rings and that was a looong time ago. People give me stuff all the time and most of it isn't my style or doesn't fit, in case the hook-on bracelet LD's mom gave me from Venezuela. It's beautiful and I would wear it, if it fit. But it's apparently made for a "small" wrist and though mine isn't "large" this bracelet isn't that comfortable on. But if your wrist is "small" it's yours!



Click on the pictures below to see them in detail.

With the exception of the chandelier earrings, all the metals are sterling silver. The "turquoise" beaded necklace is 18" long but has an extender and can be lengthened to 20-inches.

The rings are fairly small. The two heart rings are about a size 6-6 1/2. The heart/cross and the angel ring are a little larger. Approximately sizes 7-7 1/2. I'm not sure of the exact sizes but if you have fingers that fit in this range, you can have them.

This butterfly pendant is sterling silver but I'm not sure of the chain. It is 18" long but fairly thin. The bracelet on the right is from Swarovski. My friend used to work there many many years ago and she gave me this bracelet because she won it at work. It's pretty, but not my style. it would make a cute cat/teeny tiny dog collar :-) It's about 8 inches long, but you have to slide the leather band through the O-rings to tighten it so you need a fairly small wrist to wear this. Once again- not me.

Claim it and it's yours!

Tell me which piece of jewelery you'd like to have and it's yours. One piece of jewelery per person please. Email me your address to stillhopeful.monica@yahoo.com and I'll send it out after all the pieces are claimed. If none of these are your style, perhaps your niece, sister, or daughter would like them for Easter! Please take them off my hands or I'll throw them away (probably not, but I like to threaten to get your attention).

And if you haven't done so already, please stop by and see Jack's 2nd Birthday pictures.

Jack's Second

I spent Friday afternoon making these fabulous vanilla bean rainbow cupcakes for Jack's 2nd birthday. They were perfect and I'm sure he would have loved them.


I took these little goodies out to him at the cemetery- a race car birthday candle and a set of Jacks for my Jack.

It was sunny and cold- about 55 degrees but it was really windy to it felt much cooler! Mr. H played "Happy Birthday" for Jack while we watched and listened. It was a beautiful afternoon.

Afterwards we went to lunch then went back home to eat cupcakes and release balloons.



A few messages of love for my little Love.


Mr. h taped mini cupcakes to the balloons but they fell straight to the ground. So we took them off, smeared frosting on the balloons and let them go. They disappeared almost instantly.

We then fed the mini cupcakes to the dogs. They loved them.


We love you Jack. Happy Birthday.

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Click here to wish Mr. H a Happy Birthday!

.:29:.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

This last picture reminds me of this. So pretty (and yummy)!

Someday...

Country music is known for it's drinkin' in bars, dramatic divorces, and sappy love songs with a twang. This one by Kenny Chesney gets the tear rolling down my face every time.

Who You'd Be Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most

Wear the pain like a heavy coat

I feel you everywhere I go

I see your smile, I see your face

I hear your laugh' in the rain

I still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair you died too young

Like a story that had just begun

But death tore the pages all away

God knows how I miss you

All the hell that I've been through

Just knowing, no one could take your place

Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world

Would you chase your dreams

Settle down with a family

I wonder what would you name your babies

Some days the sky's so blue

I feel like I can talk to you

And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died too young

Like a story that had just begun

But death tore the pages all away

God knows how I miss you

All the hell that I've been through

Just knowing, no one could take your place

Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Today, Today, Today...

Today, Today, Today...

Sunny days seem to hurt the most

I wear the pain like a heavy coat

The only thing that gives me hope

Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday...

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I love you Jack and I wonder who you'd be today. Happy 2nd Birthday Sweet boy.

Loving and missing you with all my heart,

Mom

Jackson Robert

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February 21, 2007

Born into this world at 3:07 am

5 ounces; 8 inches long

Pile Up On The Emotional Highway

When I have nothing going on or nothing to say I post pictures to fill in the blanks. Then all of a sudden, I have a whole lot to say and I write a post like the one you're about to read.

Valentine's sucked. It usually does. I make a ton of effort to make things nice without spending a lot of money and I get disappointed every year. It's my own fault, I know Mr. H boycotts VDay because he thinks it's a made up holiday. But the way I see it, it's just an excuse to show someone you love them. What's the big deal? You can do it with a post-it that says "I love you" or with a heart written in a steamy bathroom mirror. Instead he worked out in the garage then at one point left and I watched DVR'd Food Network episodes, then made him chocolate covered strawberries then made him a nice filet mignon with bearnaise dinner. I gave him a card and good chocolates, not the cheap kind and I got a thank you.

I feel selfish asking for anything in return, but like I said I'm not asking for material things. His boycott doesn't affect Hallmark or 1800Flowers. It affects me. Whatever, I'm moving on. But I still stand by my opinion that it sucked. And yet I remain hopeful for next year :-P

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My aunt called me tonight to ask how we were doing. I thought she was calling to say Happy Valentine's Day and thank you for the homemade card I sent her. Instead, she said she wants me to take my time and think about what I'd like to do to contribute to her wedding. You know, because she wants me to be comfortable. She said she'll accept whatever decision I make.

I don't know what to do.

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Jack's 2nd birthday is Saturday. I feel like the date has crept up on me. Although I know when it is. I can't forget it. His birthday is 2 days before Mr. H's and I've been thinking about how to celebrate his day. I think it's just so overwhelming to plan a birthday for a baby who'll never see or appreciate it. It's heart wrenching.

I've been trying to not think about it. Trying to pretend that the sadness of the day doesn't exist. Waiting for it to pass. But I know I can't and won't let the day pass me by. I just miss him so much and I wish his birthdays were different. I wish he were here.

January 18th was Sam's due date. January 31st marked the 2nd anniversary of my cerclage that failed. Valentine's Day was also a difficult time for me because it was really the last meal I remember having with family. Times were very tense and everyday was a challenge. You can read more about it here, but actually read it, don't just look at the pictures.

That's it. A lot of emotional stuff going on and it seems to pile up on me all at once. As the Peanuts gang says, "Good grief".

Hearts

M&M's and you- two of my favorite things!

Lots of love to you all!

xoxo,

Monica

Wordless Wednesday- A Girl and Her Dad

For a really colorful WW, click here.

Babies And Cozy Hats

For Christmas, I sent Becky and Christyna cozy knit hats for their little munchkins. I made them in purple and green- the boys birthstones, and topped them with pom poms.


Meet Lily...



...and Chase!

Aren't they cuties?

A Promise Kept -Part 3

I meant to post sooner, but I've been sick and have felt like poo run over by a semi. Pretty picture I've painted, huh?

If you need to get caught up in this little mini-series, then read Part 1 and Part 2 first.

We stood in the stairwell after leaving our last appointment and we both held each other and cried. I think we left there knowing our limits. We made a promise to each other--to love each other and to do our best to keep each other happy--to keep our family whole and full of love.

It was like a light bulb went off for us and though we never spoke about our last appointment again, we just knew we didn't want to go back there ever again.

Things changed. We were happier. The pressure to have a baby and a perfect life lessened. Mr. H still wants a "prefect" life and I still desire to have a child, we have found a nice balance between the two.

It has been nearly 2 years since Jack died. Though I never spoke my thoughts aloud, I desired to be pregnant again by the end of 2007. I wanted to try again. I felt I could do it and I needed to prove to myself and everyone else that I could do it. Mr. h wanted to wait. At this time we were going to group counseling (with the guy who quit us) and we tried to work through our feelings and reservation of trying again. It didn't really get us anywhere. Mr. H wanted to wait a full year to TTC. So we waited. February came and went and still nothing.

A few more months passes and Mr. H kept changing his mind about wanting to try again. I think initially he decided to wait a year because it seemed so far away and because he hoped that by the time came around he would be ready. He wasn't and rather than telling me, he just kept putting me off. He didn't know how to tell me he wasn't ready for fear of upsetting me so he just avoided any and all things that had to do with babies and baby making. I waited patiently month after month until I couldn't take it anymore. Which landed us in therapy this last time. The whole idea was to find a nice compromise between what he and I both wanted. We found that together.

In November we tried for the first time to conceive. It was wonderful. It was unexpected and beautiful and...it just was. It was what and how and when we needed it to be. I still have reservations talking about it because I feel like I'm going to jinx things. I feel if I don't put too much weight on the situation that it won't hurt as badly when Mr. H changes his mind or when we don't conceive as soon as I'd like.

It's just all so new to me right now. I haven't done this in a long while and I find myself freaking out just a bit- in a good way. So if you're the praying type- pray for us that this works and the wee one that is trying to be made strives. Or light a candle, chant or sprinkle some baby-makin' fairy dust our way.

I am still hopeful.

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BTW, Congratulations to JGirl and Coggy on the births of their new beautiful babies.