"IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF THE GESTATION, IT'S THE EXTENT OF THE ATTACHMENT."


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Etched In Stone

The Ronald McDonald House in our area sponsors a Hope group that helps families and parents cope with the loss of a pregnancy. Last week was the start of a new group called the PAL (Pregnancy After A Loss) group. It's a group that meets once a week for 6 weeks and focuses on those thinking about TTC as well as those who already pregnant at any gestation. There are 3 couples and one other lady (all of whom I know because they all go to our other support group) and they are all pregnant from 10-22 weeks. That kinda bums me out and I feel a little out of place because of it. I feel like a 3rd wheel, not because they made me feel like that, but because of my own insecurities. I mentioned this to the group facilitator and he suggested I still come to the group because it would help us for when we got pregnant. I am the only one there who has had two losses, and I can't relate to what they are feeling now in their pregnancies because I am not pregnant. I'm going to keep going but I still feel uneasy about it. The Hope group was really beneficial to me but when we ended the group I felt lost, like I didn't know where to go from there. I left the group not knowing what was next for us regarding a subsequent pregnancy. I think this group will help me with those unanswered questions. And it couldn't have come at a better time since we are going to try again in January (keep your fingers crossed).

On the RMH grounds, there is a fountain and statues of children playing together. There are hundreds of memory stones with children's names on them that are no longer with us. They do this for free, all you have to do is give them the name you want on the rock. These stones are then placed throughout the garden, around statues and in the fountain. Well Sam and Jack got their stones today. I asked for a stone that had both their names on one rock so they wouldn't get separated and so we would always know which rock was theirs. They got confused and made two rocks with one name on each. They are ordering us another stone, but they let us keep the others anyway. They are going to go out in our garden with a fountain we got of two boys playing together. We will also put their temporary headstones from the cemetery out there too. I haven't done any of this yet because I'm too lazy, but when I do, I'll post a picture. In the meantime, here are some pictures of the fountain and statues on the RMH grounds as well as Sam and Jack's stones.



6 comments:

beth said...

What a wonderful way to remember those precious ones in heaven. Thanks for sharing that.

meg said...

Monica, I love the stones. I would like to get some for my babies too. I just have to figure out where to get them. If you have any ideas, let me know! I think this is a wonderful idea. I love the fountain and statues too.

As for the support group...I have never gone before, so I am probably not the right person to answer this question. I didn't go because I didn't want to sit there with the worst story for all. But that's my own insecurities and fears. I think your group sounds like a good one, so maybe it's good to keep going? And yes, once pg again, I'm sure it will help a great deal.

Christyna said...

how beautiful the whole idea of that is. I think the only thing that could be more beautiful would be to never have needed a garden like that to begin with.

froggy mommy said...

The stones with the names is such a lovely idea!

virginiawilliams@yahoo.com said...

I think you should keep going to the support group, hard as it might be. All those couples have been right where you are, after all, and perhaps they can help you with some of your current fears and give you a peek into the future. I found support groups hard, but it also really helped to have that chance to focus on Ben for two hours and not worry about all the other stuff in my life.

I love the stones for your boys, and the garden. Wonderful idea.

Becky said...

That is beautiful! I wish I could get some stones. Please post and let us know if we can get them too!

I know how you feel about being the 'odd man out' when people talk about loosing one baby. And then we open our mouths and talk about loosing two and then people don't know what to say. I feel like that more often than not. Like Meg, I feel like I have the worst or that people are going to feel sorry for me because I lost two. I enjoyed my group though, and I'm sad that I can't go anymore because of my work schedule.

I have to email you...hopefully my internet will get hooked up at our (new) home tonight and I'll send it then!