Tuesday, January 15, 2008

She's Gone

M.arie A.dams passed away this morning on January 15, at 9:06 a.m. in her home after 14 months of battling cancer. She was sleeping peacefully with her husband Jimmy, 3 children and grandchildren by her side. Please take a quick moment of silence and say a brief prayer for her family as they are missing her.
I sit here typing with tears rolling down my face all the way to my chest. My head is pounding. I miss her and I am angry for what she had to go through. I am angry that she was in pain, and even though she is no longer suffering, her family is. I am angry that her family has to live without her. She didn't deserve this. She was a wonderful woman. She was caring. We were blessed because we knew her. I don't understand... and maybe I never will.

I had been thinking about her and wanting to send a card. I never did. I don't beat myself up for it, but I regret not doing it. I was hesitant to send it because I didn't think anything I could have said would have made a difference. I also kept thinking that if I sent it, they would receive it after she passed, and that would only make things harder. I hope she knew we were thinking of her. There are so many things I would have said to her, so maybe now I will.

Dear Marie,

I've been thinking about you lately. I 'm sorry that we weren't there with you in person, but we were with you in spirit. I'm glad your children were by your side and you were able to spend a little time with them.

From the very beginning, you accepted me. I was never a visitor, or Mr. H's girlfriend, I was family. I remember coming to your home and sitting on the front porch looking out into the field. We would all sit together and eat, and drink cold iced tea. You always spent the entire day cooking and preparing dishes in the kitchen for everyone to feast on. My favorite was your pumpkin roll. I've dreamed about that pumpkin roll and it's creamy filling :) I attempted to make one for Thanksgiving, but it wasn't nearly as good as yours. Everything was wonderful. There was tradition and love in everything you laid your hands on. We'd talk A LOT! and catch up on each other's lives. We didn't do it nearly enough, but I looked forward to the family reunions when we'd see each other.

I was so grateful and blessed to have been a part of your anniversary celebration. I wouldn't have traded that experience for the world. You were embarrassed and self conscience of the way you looked because you didn't have any hair. You were beautiful to me. You had a difficult time walking down the aisle, but you did it. I was impressed by your strength and will power. Your love as husband and wife continues to amaze me. Your dedication to one another was truly inspirational and I aspire to live up to that. I know you fought with all of your might, and as far as I'm concerned, you were a winner. You showed me that no matter what life hands you, you should fight. You were and always will be an example of courage to me.

I miss you already. I know that feeling of sadness will fade over time, but I will always remember you and your beauty. I'm glad you've found your way home and I bet you're loving Heaven. Please give a hug to my boys from me. I miss them so incredibly much. I feel a sense of relief because you are now with them and I know that you will care for them as I would. Know that I am blessed because I knew you.

Until we meet again,



Christyna said...

oh honey I am so sorry for your loss. If you need anything let me know. I'm thinking of you and sending you a cyber hug...

The Nanny said...

I'm so sorry, Monica. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Rachel said...

I am sorry for your loss. I'm sending you a hug too.

Lori said...

That is a wonderful letter. I'm sure she knew how much she meant to you without you having to say it or write it in a card.
My prayers are with you and the family.

ms. G said...

I'm sorry for your loss. That is a wonderful letter. Thinking of you and your family.

Jen said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. There are no words...

Beth said...

No words can expres my sorrow for you and your family. Just know that I will keep you in my prayers.

Kristi said...

Beautiful letter. I'm sure she's taking care of Sam & Jack for you.